Making it work, for me

[sweetbabyred]

I've been doing so good, but had a step back tonight. I happened to notice that H is no longer sharing his google calendar with me. Not a big deal, as he didn't really use it much for personal stuff lately, but it had his family members birthdays on it and I noticed that they were gone. I know it shouldn't bother me, but it did.

Then I saw a post from a mutual friend of ours who got married in H's home town yesterday. I happened to see the list of friends who "liked" the post and I guess if you move the cursor over them, you can see a quick preview of each person's profile.

So even though I've been good and not clicked on H's fb profile for about a month now, I see that his cover photo is of him and OW sitting back to back on a ledge, holding hands and posing in front of a building. She's had professional pics done before and it looks like this is a pro shoot as well.

I resisted the urge to actually check his page, as I know it'll just upset me even more. He's married and hasn't even attempted to file. How can either one of them think it's okay? She may be dumb enough to think that we're "not really married since you don't live together" as she told me back in July when they were "just friends", but he knows the truth.

If he wants to move on, he really should pay off his debts to me, as he promised all along, and file, so that I can legally move on as well. It's bad enough that we'll have to file taxes together in April, so that no matter what, I'll still have to nag him for financial info for another 4-5 months or so.

Actually, what's kind of funny is that my cover photo is of a good female friend and I in the exact same pose (minus the hand holding). We were bored at an event and decided to have a mini photo shoot.

I honestly don't know if I could ever take him back. I'm still standing, because at this point I refuse to file for divorce because the problems that we had before this weren't enough to end a marriage and I want him to be the one to end it if he's done.

I guess I'm frustrated because he can decide he's not happy and just move on to another young girl and leave me behind to deal with everything. I'm not the one who wants a new start, with a new person so I shouldn't have to do the paperwork. I shouldn't have to "fix" everything to make his life easier.

And it's funny that ever since OW finally decided to start dating him that he has no time to talk to me and his wish for us to be friends doesn't seem so important any more. He paid off his debts to his best friend right away, yet no payments have been made to me. We were together for almost seven years, so you'd think he'd have the decency to at least pay his debts before he'd move on.

He was the nicest, sweetest man I'd ever met and realizing that he's turned into the exact opposite of everything he ever was just confuses me. I'm a very good judge of character and never saw this coming.