Well I spent Thanksgiving day alone, and I loved it, LOL! Flew some R/C planes, rode my motorcycles, called relatives and did some things around the house. The weather was beautiful and I just had a nice relaxing day.
W and I had previously negotiated for me to have the kids on Friday after Thanksgiving since I was out on holday, but then W took D18 and D16 Black Friday shopping ALL NIGHT, so I technically had them at my place but they slept until after 3 pm so it was kind of pointless! We had a nice dinner though.
I spent Saturday and today getting down the tons of Christmas stuff and setting up the inside and outside of the house. First time I've done it alone. I thought it might be depressing, but it wasn't at all. I had fun actually. I actually laughed out loud when I found a plaque the in-laws had made for us that says "Tis the season to be with family", oh the irony, haha! I put the stockings up EXCEPT for W's. I put hers in a pile of other Christmas stuff that's hers and gave it to her for her house. I have a feeling that's going to sting her a bit when she sees 4 stockings hanging over my fireplace instead of 5.
W took the kids on a horseback ride Saturday. I mentioned in the first thread that there is a guy that used to hang around us before BD and has still been hanging around W since. He's a suspected OM, but no evidence of it. D18 was showing me pics of the horses and lo and behold, there he is riding with them. VERY suspicious. So when W came by to pick up S9 last night I point blank asked her. Basically I just told her "Is something going on between you and OM? That's fine if there is, but I don't want you to feel like you have to sneak around about it. I would appreciate it if you would just be honest with me. I don't want to be the last to know." She assured me that he's just a friend and goes along on stuff like that because he's bored. I am not convinced she's being completely truthful, I suspect she is interested in him but he is not reciprocating. He's early 30's, so is much younger than her. And he loves kids, I'm sure he wants to have them and W cannot. I'm sure it's a deal-killer for him as far as a permanent R, but who knows what may be going on temporarily. Honestly I'm to the point that it doesn't really change anything about my attitude if she's having an EA or PA, because it's bound to happen sooner or later anyway as part of her quest for "happiness" (ha!)
Strangely, after the talk about OM, W paid me the first compliment I've heard in over 5 months from her. She said "The girls and I were talking about you earlier, your arms are getting so big from the weight lifting and you're so fit-looking, you look really good!" I was so shocked it was all I could do to mutter a "thank you".
In general I find myself thinking less and less about W each day, and when I do think about her it's more or less ambivalent thoughts. I'm very close to involuntarily dropping the rope. The thing is, I WANT to still be interested, but I don't feel it. I don't know if that makes sense, but basically I want to save the M for my kids, but I'm to the point where if the kids weren't in the picture I don't think I'd have any interest in reconciling. It's not that I feel angry, hurt, betrayed, etc. I'm just losing interest. I really didn't expect it to happen this fast.
Originally Posted By: Soul.Searching
Wow, Now you have got me thinking AS, H was here the other day and I don't think I felt anything in that way.
Frankly it's a good place to be, because it puts you in the position of feeling like you'll be fine whether you reconcile or not, right? And that's exactly where DB'ing is supposed to take us.
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That's what scares me with my kids. They just seem to have taken it a little too well. I have tried to talk to them but it's hard without pushing it. I'm worried about them keeping a lot bottled up.
Keep tabs on two things- their grades and their behavior towards other kids and especially in school. If they're keeping it bottled up then it will show up in other ways. But if they're making good grades and staying well-behaved, then maybe they really are taking it OK. My kids are doing quite well, it helps I think that W and I don't ever fight and we've both continued supporting the kids.
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How has your S9 seemed to be coping in general since BD? Does he verbalise much?
He was confused and upset at first and blamed himself. I talked to him a lot at first, but as time went on he needed it less and less. He is doing really well now. D16 is the one taking it the hardest, she really hates going back and forth between homes.
Originally Posted By: 7720
I thought the same Soul...they were bottling it up and now it comes out in bursts...sometimes they yell at W and are very cold to her....
Yeah, that's exactly it, it comes out in unexpected ways.
