He's Just Not That Into You

[mamabird]

Wendy, once again I think you are spot on. H definitely wants to be heard and validated. I think I'd do well not to say much in MC going forward, to that end, and just let it be the H show. Of course, my H has more than just the garden variety complaining to do since there has been betrayal in the M. My issue is that H doesn't seem to be doing much to get past that.

About the detachment: agree. It's time to back off a little bit. He seems to be responding a bit less anyway. That's going to be the hardest for me, but I know it's time to let him do some of the legwork. Good idea about happily trundling off to bed. I guess that would be a "new" 180 for me. I probably need a coach to help me figure out exactly HOW to detach because being distant was definitely one of the things that was/is a problem in our M.

I'm still feeling that things are going well though. Today we went to a brunch as a family, and that went pretty smoothly. He didn't sit next to me or touch me but we participated in the same conversations. I would say any outsider looking in wouldn't have a clue what was really going on. H told me today that I should buy a bike. It's something I've wanted for a while and we never prioritized it. Not sure why he said that and I didn't ask, but if I had one we could go on family bike rides.

One sort of ironic thing that happened at the brunch: I asked the hostess for a cup of coffee and she grabbed a mug and poured it for me. It just so happened that this mug had OM1's last name written on it in big letters. It was from some company that had the same name as OM. I was just hoping H wouldn't notice!