I was touched by your Thanksgiving message the other day, being thankful for your H, even after all you've gone through. I understand about the letters. I've saved all o them, too. I haven't looked at them, but I know what they say.
They actually remind me that, as snodderly always says, that I didn't break him, so I can't fix him, and that he has to work his issues out himself.
I hope you find some measure of peace today, and please know that everyone here cares.