Read through others' threads here and ask others how they resist R talks. It's one of the basic points made to everyone who comes here. R talks dig your hole deeper almost every time. You control what you say and what conversations you get involved in, she does not. Get more busy, say you don't want to talk about that right now, I don't know, there must be ways. My H would rather have teeth pulled without novocaine than have a R talk so they've been easy for me to avoid.
How do I sleep next to him? In going on 15 years I've done plenty of things for the sake of my kids. Carried them inside me, wiped off their poop, suffered patiently through tantrums and fits, countless hours of homework. There are a million things that would be hard for someone to do and I do them gladly without much thought because it's what I must do. In the same vein, in their world mom and dad go to bed together and wake up together. It started out that I didn't want them to see what was going on with us until we knew ourselves. I wanted to spare them the in-between mess of a marriage problem while we sorted out our stuff. Unfortunately there's really been no progress and it's come to a point where there are other ways they probably know and we do need to sit them down and explain.
In my case my H helped here too, by gradually objecting more and more to being touched while he was asleep, to the point where we all know he's most comfortable over on his side with pillows between. There's no risk of accidental spooning here.
Your individual situation has many differences but it may have one similarity. Although your W seems to have paid lip service to wanting to work things out and wanting to try, it may be that she really does not want to be with you, as my H does not want to be with me. If that's the case the more you insert yourself where you're not wanted, the more you will be not wanted. I don't have answers for how you work out the sleeping arrangements, but in my opinion it's best to stay in your rightful spot in your bed and learn to be comfortable there...or ask her to move to a different location if she doesn't want to be there with you. It is tough stuff, I'm sorry.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
