I was reading your last several posts. I find myself in the same sort of "boat" as you - needing a job- wondering if i should continue this substandard (well, feels like it anyway) r, etc.
My h is relatively decent day in & day out- just doesn't communicate with me much- (he does have his computer & cell phone for "chatting" away w/ his "important" friends. can you tell im pretty rejected here? after 35 yrs of r i'd say he's always been selfish - and when you observe that every r he's had( your h) has suffered - i was thinking same here. you put it very well. I am amazed by my own (up to last 1.5 yr) blindness. Like you- i thought it was a phase or something- i hadn't realized that he was "checking out" i guess- making a list of alllll my transgressions so it was sure to be alllll my fault... etc.
love- can fool you can't it? anyway- i keep thinking i need to get a job and be able to get free of this- unable tho to make that final final decision and walk out. I look at job listings and think anything i can earn (secretary) will be kind of lowish - and it's hard *(yeah, i know, this whole thing is "hard" - i have to quit thinking in those terms and whining about it) sorry.
Anyway- my neice in the navy takes courses on line- apparently it works - i wonder myself if i could finish - i've got about three years of college credits - just need a final year. don't know what the heck i could/would "be" - but thinking along that line. perhaps it could be something for you? just a thought.
it's wierd isn't it to be thinking of "who you could be now" after so many hyears of being who you were in the r?
sorry to hear about the gambling you put up with. it's got to be very hard. i've got an ow sitch going on in the background of our r- it stinks - i'm hating computers and cell phones because of it- the secrecy, etc. oh well- technology huh?
using it for allllll the wrong reasons. how the heck does one "get back" to anywhere near where you were when you begin to not like the person?
