Please do not beat yourself up for the 'mistakes' you've made. You are at the beginning of this and I will dare say there are very few of us LBS who didn't make mistakes especially at the start.
It is not too late to start those 180s and DB if you want to. If there was one thing I could get through to the newbies is that MLC is the majority of time measured in years, not months. It takes a very long time to navigate through. Much like it takes a teenager to go from adolescents to adulthood.
You're at the beginning. You must focus on yourself and let your H twist in the wind. It isn't up to you to teach your H life lessons, life itself will do that. You didn't break him and you can't fix him. It is your choice as to how you let his actions, decisions affect you. You control one thing in this and that is you.
Sweetie, as hard as it is you have to detach from him and stop letting what he does, doesn't do spin you so much that you exhaust yourself. Shift your attention to yourself and your precious children. They have to have one sane grounded adult to rely on and at this time, it's you. You have a choice to make, you can either let this empower you or sap the strength out of you.
I know how unfair this seems that it is all laid on you. That's exactly how I felt. As time went on I gained confidence in myself that I could handle it on my own for however long it took.
