He's Just Not That Into You

[mamabird]

The joking sounds great. I think that weighs a lot more heavily in terms of how he's really feeling than what he says in MC. What he says may be way behind how he acts and he himself may not really know how he feels. Don't look to what he says to understand your sitch. I'm not saying that his gripes aren't important but they may be outdated and it may suit him to hang onto them for longer.

This is really helpful. Sometimes it's just hard to see the forest for the trees. I'm enjoying my time with him a lot more, but still at the end of the day I have that empty hollow feeling because he's still withholding, and then I have to go sleep on the stupid sofa bed which makes things worse. H knows I hate it, and actually he and the boys have been putting the bed away on the weekends, because they come in here to watch TV and then take over the whole place.

H's withholding is so second nature to him. I think about this a lot. It's not like he was ever super affectionate in the first place and I think it's always bothered me. I think this can be changed if he wants to work on that. He definitely is very attached to his "narrative" about what happened and why, which is why it's so hard for him to move forward. He can't see past his own story.

On a somewhat positive note, H did have a call this morning with his business partner to try to get his second business up and running. He admits that he has been too depressed and "out of sorts" to do anything on this business, so it's good news that he's finally ready to get back into that. Ironically, his business partner is also a psychiatrist and is the one who prescribes his ADs and most of that other sh!t that he takes.

We had another fine day today, more lighthearted banter and kidding around. Tomorrow we are going to a brunch with some other families, and Monday we have MC again. Honestly I'm dreading it. I hate our therapist and I feel like it's just a waste of $ right now. We go, I get reamed a new one every time, and the therapist just sits there. I don't know how much I am going to have to say at this next session. I think I am going to try to throw some of it back at the therapist. Also interesting to note is that in the second session, H changed his story completely from the first session. He definitely is still working out some confusion.