Well, it's an hour and a half into my birthday and I am miserable. My Ds and I went to the movies tonight. OD was getting text messages from my BIL throughout the evening. My H has been with him over thanksgiving. Long story short, D wanted me to call her Uncle and talk to him about what happened with me and H. She and Uncle are close, but Uncle is telling her that she needs to make up her own mind and not be poisoned by me about her R with her Dad. D was very upset and didn't want to make the call, but wanted Uncle to know the truth. She believes that her Dad has been telling his family lies about everything that has happened. I called. Pretty much got told what a horrible mother I am and how I am breaking up my Ds' relationships with their Dad.
I was told the details don't matter. Details shouldn't effect how my Ds feel about their Dad. The whole thing is nothing but details!! I told him I do think details matter and was his brother telling him the details of everything? I said the details of H having an affair, not willing to come home and try after he lied to all of us and said he would, abandoning his family, stopped talking to his Ds because they told him how they feel, and then cutting the money off that feeds them. I believe every one of those details effect how my Ds feel about their Dad.
They are both older, not little kids. I talk with them, but I don't tell them how to feel or what to do and not do. I told BIL that until he is cheated on, lied to, abandoned and had his money taken away to take care of his children, then he has no right to judge me.
I stood outside tonight, like I do every night. It doesn't matter how tired I am, how late it is, or how cold it is.....I do it every night. I look up to the stars and talk with my departed MIL. I ask...what have I done in my life to deserve all of this? What have I done to have his/her family turn on me? I have been faithful and have loved her son for 28 years. I thought I was a good person. I am not hateful. I would do anything for anybody. I care. I thought I was a good wife. I think I'm a good Mom. My Ds seem to be happy with me.
I will never understand any of this. I will never understand what I did to have my life turn out this way. I truly don't want to celebrate. My H was always so wonderful to me on my birthday. He would always have a gift that he put so much thought into. This year, he is giving me a living nightmare, my worst dreams.
