My baggage is that I've been left and cheated on by every major woman I've been involved with. So what had been a very robust sex drive turned into a scared wiener.
My wife comes from a divorced family - they divorced when she was 2. (A common age, I might add. I worked for an online dating site and a huge percentage of female members with children have one that is 2) Her mother is twice divorced and widowed once. I believe my MIL is a strong supporter of the divorce.
My greatest fear has always been faillure. And with each step in our marriage, I added another level of fear. Fear of being a good husband (though I had no clue what that was.) Fear of being a good lover. Fear of being a good father. Fear of being able to provide for and be respected by my wife. So much fear that I closed down about 5 years ago.
When my wife kicked me out, she said that she couldnt stand my anger and that I was sexually unavailable and made her feel unattractive. And she is right and I am ashamed and very sorry.
She is a beautiful woman and very sexy and I'm very attracted to her. I had just shut my self down.
Currently, she says she isnt seeing the man she had the affair with. Though she also denies having an affair altogether.
She treats me like a friendly neighbor and seems almost Stepfordian in her distant closeness. Her veneer is thick and well polished. But she has a lot of anger toward me. And a considerable amount of guilt and shame, which she is trying not to show.
She works for me so I see her everyday. Though this will change since we are closing the business - between the divorce and recession it has been a crushing year. Amicable is the behavior we all assume when together.
My daughters are too young to really fully grasp the situation. Though my eldest is aware and gets feedback from her classmates.
