You let her down. Now you are telling her that YOU are in "financial limbo"...WHY do you tell her that? it's not her fault. And btw, it's NOT attractive either.
i told her that in response to her asking about me rejoining the IT workforce.
The limbo I speak of is more than covering expenses. My contribution in the last 3 months, from business and side work combined: aug:$1500, sep: $2200, oct:$3900. Add $250 to each of those for cell phones for the family. In early sept we decided she could quit her 2nd job, which she did.
The limbo I spoke of is that I feel paralyzed about making decisions about the future of the business (we have a lease obligation and surety bond obligation which can't be taken lightly) and retraining i am going to need to get back to where my job paid before business, with her out of the house and no guarantees or comitments about our M future.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
The fact that you keep talking about YOUR anger makes me think that you are not ready to show change b/c it has not truly happened.
Please, Tell me what is different now.
How would marriage to you be better and different than before, for HER?
I vent my anger here, to try to keep it from showing to her. What is different now is I am no longer blind to her feelings. We will learn to communicate better, together as we both need to own our part. I am helping support, my long term goal is she works if she WANTS to. I practice on my kids every day my new anti anger anti bully communication.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
What does that "Completely committed" comment mean? How are YOU BEHAVING differently? Financially speaking for you to whine to her or not have an extra job now,
to ME, means you are all show and no go.
Working the extra job for over 4 weeks.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
"Forgiveness is a gift"? That means what? Please explain.
It means I don't deserve it, and can't earn it. It has to be given to me, if I am to get it. Before, or as, she becomes ready to R, she will forgive, or start to.
I forgive her. I wouldn't be here if I didn't. It does not wipe away the pain I feel. Not yet.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Have you asked her to forgive you? NOT in a way that means she has to take you back, but b/c you hurt her and let her down?
No. Frankly I am afraid of the answer. We have discussed that to move forward we both need to forgive, but I have not uttered the words "will you forgive me?" I told her I forgave her on day 1. To me, that means I take her back, when she recognizes the boundaries of marriage. I don't know how to separate the two.
Me 46 W 43 S 21 D 18 S 17 M 22 yrs Discovered OM 9/10/12 W moved to sister's 9/15/12 W moved to OM 9/27/12 Tried to DB until 7/13 W filed 10/7/13. Did not serve. I counter filed 12/2/13.
