Yeah, I know. I have a hard time imagining this also. Unless, he was really worked up about yesterday and screwing up again. Burns me up to think about HIM trying to threaten and check on me. What nerve!! Sure sounded like he did though. He said the one neighbor wasn't home and the other was home and had looked for a note. He was right about who was home. Seriously? I think he felt pushed out again and pi$$ed at himself for being alone on Thanksgiving--so he pulled out the blame card. Jerk.
I didn't cheat. I'm not storing a joint asset at some guy's house.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
This is eating at me. Not sure I can let it go without saying something. I feel like he always gets away with crap like this because I don't speak up for myself. Calling the neighbors. It's like he takes the spotlight off of himself and puts it back on me. Isn't there any small way I can shift it back to him? Or, maybe I need to remember when he acts like this that he is prob feeling really heavy and awful about himself. He's looking for someway to shift the blame and feel better about himself.
I will let it be. Or should I?
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Heather, Let it be for now. You will have an opportunity to "express" yourself at a later time. Trust me, he'll open the door and you'll step over that threshhold so quickly, he won't know what happen.
Again, choose your battles in order to win the war. Right now, he's a miserable old man who isn't happy w/himself or the world around him. He needs to grow up and he's fighting it tooth and nail...so let him flounder in that pool of guilt and don't fuel his fire...his fire needs to burn completely out.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Heather, What I meant is that he's going to have contact w/you at some point and the conversation is going to swing back to the apologies, etc. and then you can say what you have to say then.
Is it a good thing? Honestly, I don't know how your h will react when you discuss this w/him...it could be if he listens, understands an comprehends what you are telling him. If he doesn't listen, no then it won't be a good thing...it all depends upon the timing.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You really need to work on your predicting the future skills. It would make things so much easier on us all when we ask you to look into your crystal ball
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Heather, looking back I too have been so so naive. My mum was always treated so badly by my dad, he would have screwxd a pipe...he was a philanderer not MLC however he was a good dad but a lousy husband and if he were here today he'd agree with that.
I always felt grateful for having a man who would always put me first (little did I know). So I can see where I am in my mums shoes, i.e no family around to have support from, have 3 kids raise with no help from him. BUT this was our first thanksgiving without my H and I dreaded it but we did OK better than I thought it would be...so Ifeel positive about that and thats a start
Thank the lord for this forum as I'd be lost without it <3
Hang in there Heather, everytime I read your updates I see you getting stonger oxoxoxo
M 41 H 43 M 22 S 18 S 14 D 11 Affair discovered 1/12 He filed 2/12 OW#2 7/12 she lives next door. D pending
Thanks Caigy, We survived the first Thanksgiving! Maybe this is how the Pilgrims felt!
Update.
Haven't heard anything from H since Friday when he was obviously back into Blame Mode. Prob went back to OW and his life of drugs, sex and rock-n-roll.
Heard from a girlfriend today that a mutual friend ran into H at a store on Friday. A very gossipy friend, I might add. Anyway. I'm sure H was nervous because the whole town knows about his behavior now--and, in solid MLC fashion he took the time to elaborate on all the ways I had let him down as a wife. Went right back into... "I just couldn't take it any longer, she never worked and blah, blah, blah..." Sweet. Angry at me because HE is storing a marital asset at the OW's house. I was tempted to text or call and make it known I wasn't happy about his BS--but didn't. He has to live with, yet another cowardly and tacky lapse in judgement--a week after I offered him a place to stay when he was sick. A$$hole.
Still hurt, but managed to get through the day. I continue to feel like this guy just ain't worth it. Every day, a little more of my faith in him melts away. I was also reminded today of a party he and OW went to around the corner from our house. Another mutual friend stood and looked at H and OW and couldn't figure out if she was a trashier me--until someone said "NO, that's not Heather." Not a pleasant memory, especially combined with his heartfelt words at the store on Friday. All I could think of was...they must have been acting very much the couple for this guy (not the sharpest tool in the shed) to see they were a couple. Makes me ill.
Today, I feel like this guy has drained so much from my life and the life of our kids. Part of me wishes he had a lot of money, so I could take it all.
Had so much faith in him--and now--who is this man? How can he behave with such cruelty? I may be due to read some more MLC info--before I get too stuck in hating him again.
Went to my SIL's house today to visit my nieces. I hadn't seen her youngest since she was born in March. SIL was really nice and called me Aunt Heather right off the bat which made me feel relaxed. My older niece gave me a huge hug right when I walked in... Didn't bring up H. No one asked questions. It was a nice visit.
Overall, the weekend was a nice weekend. Loneliness and sadness were kept to a minimum. Seems like H is back in Replay-Land so I'm just keeping my distance this week--get back to work with my students tomorrow. I think I may actually feel somewhat recharged and ready!
Good Thoughts and Prayers to All
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
