WAW seems to be making positive steps...whattodo?

[Dm45]

Labug and sandi2,
Thanks for posting so quickly. I need need need to talk this out.

Why would you expect her to commit so quickly?

It is my curse. Just re-read section of DR where MWD said "To say you will need patience is a big big understatement...if you are a take charge person, you are about to learn one of the hardest lessons in your life..." p258

This has been going on for how many years?

5 since she went back PT, 4 FT, 2 1/2 w/2 jobs, back to one a week before the bomb. So gradually over 5 yrs.

How committed are you?

Completely

Drop your time line. I think this is good stuff, baby steps.

And she's given you a roadmap.

Thank you so much for that. I need encouragement so much.

Do you understand why she resents the fact she worked two jobs while you were slack?

Yes. I defaulted on my end of marriage covenant. No 2 ways about it. It wasnt fair. I have repeatedly expressed shame, regret, remorse.

She may even hold down more than one job.......but if he doesn't seem to be working at least as hard as she is for their family (when it is necessary to survive).....she'll more than likely have resentment. That is often one of those things she pushes down inside of her, instead of confronting him and working through it.

That pretty much describes us, I think. What is the "recipe" for healing and forgiveness? I know time is an ingredient. Anything more I need to do? I think I get that I need to repeatedly hear and validate. What else?

So, why did your blood suddenly run cold? That's a pretty serious statement when expressing emotions.

I am quite sure it was fear. Maybe panic attack. Got slightly short of breath, numb lips is a sign of low blood oxygen. I think I remember W asking what's wrong? That's when I shook my self and left for restroom. I am striving not to show her extreme emotional reactions.

My fear was that she was about to express commitment to OM, to say get D, etc.

However as I am typing this she is texting back and forth w/small talk. (she initiated)

Back to my previous question, though my belief is forgiveness has to be a gift, are there ingredients besides "time" to make it easier for her?