WAW seems to be making positive steps...whattodo?

[Dm45]

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhh...................

We met again. She seemed eager to meet. Had a pleasant lunch. Went for a donut & coffee for desert.

While we were drinking coffee she started R talk.

I had memorized steps to dealing w/resentment from turtle. (Mirror and validated several facets of a given resentment) She just spews them out so fast, all I can really do is validate each statement, not go in to detail on them.

Main resentment is still that I did not pick up financial slack when my business went downhill, and allowed her to work 2 jobs. Her real gripe is not the actual money amount but the hours worked.

Compounded by the fact that my treatment of her went bad as the business grew bad.

Our D17 and S16 learned this behavior and they don't treat her well now either. Now home is just not a good place for her. Our S20 had grown out of it, though he won't talk to her now.

She tried to make everyone happy while she suffered.

She stopped during all this and said "Every time we get together all I do is bash you."

I said "The more I hear it, and the more you believe I understand what I've done and regret it, the more you can get through resentment."

She started to talk about her fear today:
1. Fear that, as in the past, if the extra job I'm working goes dry, I'll put too much hope back into the failing business and earn very little $$. I actually share that fear. My plan is that if any job I hold doesn't work me for 2 days, I'm looking. 5 days, I take the 1st I can get.

I told her what I really want is to get out of the business and back to a career, perhaps IT where I used to be.

She asked what steps I'm taking in that direction...classes, applying to school etc. I said I am in financial "limbo,". She asked what I meant. I meant that I don't know if she will continue to support family. She said of course she will.

2. Fear that I will go back to my bullying ways. I validated that. Said that in the case of both fears, I don't want to go backward, but forward.

We are really "stuck" at the point of how to get to forgiveness and rebuild trust, on both sides. Hoping MC can eventually help with that.

Small talk for a while then as she was ready to leave
She said "we have made progress today" I asked how. She said I don't have to be in fear about her not helping financially.

I screwed up at this point, and said "I have other fears as well." she said "I have a lot to think about." me: "Like?" her: "Everything"

This was temp taking as at this point I was talking about her plans re:R,M,OM and ASSUME she was as well.

Lots of sighing, stonewalling at this point (from her) as I tried to ask without asking. Don't remember what I said...panicky.
My blood turned cold, lips started tingling, and I KNOW my face changed. I got up and went to restroom. Came back she was crying. Asked her what's the matter, she said "I feel the old angry H coming back" I said "that wasn't anger that's hurt." discussion turned back to fears at this point. Talked more about forgiveness and trust being what we need.

Backto small talk then goodbye.
Well I guess I am not detached. Definitely frustrated, though.

She agrees "this is what's needed" but doesn't commit. Maddening.