I wanted to give an update. I did talk to H at one point and tell him how out of line I felt their behavior was. Of course, he didn't bother to acknowledge anything I said. The reason all that started was over S14 cell phone. He had broken his and I sent H text to see if he could help him replace it. He never did respond.
Thanksgiving wound up being a nightmare. Basically, H showed up (without calling I might add) after we had left his dads and then more or less insisted that they go back there. He also had a phone for S14. We had already bought another one. Of course, because we are not important enough to warrant a call he had no way to know. Meanwhile, my dinner was sitting here waiting for 4 hours. More disrespect on his part for me. I finally got to have my dinner with the kids at 9:30. By which time I had, had a complete meltdown. H took S14 with him over to his house to pick up something S14 sat in the car refusing to get out, next thing OW family came out to talk to S14 - which upset him. Meanwhile, H had left the D's all 3 of them at his dad's and step mothers. Apparently, her (H stepmother - Kids' grandmother) family was drawing for Christmas gift exchange - so the situation was all the kids were playing in the basement - and the hollered for the kids to come up and draw. All but my kids. So the girls tried to come up and were told it was NOT for them and get this they locked them in the basement so they couldn't come up. Apparently, because they didn't know what H was going to do for Xmas. So in a nutshell by the end of the day all the Ds were upset, S14 was upset and I was basically a basket case. Really, I more or less had a complete and total break down.
So that was Thursday - come today S14 called H and wanted him to take him to S14 gf house for a bit while I worked. I started working on Friday. Anyway, so it was decided he would sit here with the girls so S14 could go.
I did talk to H today and told him that was fine with me. I did also tell him that my problem with him not calling or discussing anything with me about the kids is that it makes me feel as though I am unimportant and that he does not respect me even as a parent. That conversation went pretty well. I told him I didn't mind him coming over to visit them and to take S14. Frankly, for 2 weeks before I accepted the job I begged him to come stay with them while I worked. He refused. I even told him I had no problem with him visiting that I had begged him to do so before but he had refused.
Later when he actually came over though he used it as another opportunity to go through my entire house. That made me furious. He was in the basement, in my bedroom, took more pots and pans. The girls were upset. Apparently, he was in literally every room in the house except the girls bedroom. He went through my desk, my drawers. Basically, I feel like he was stealing off me. Most of the stuff I had no problem with. It was the sneaky underhanded way he did it. Also, I have asked him REPEATEDLY to not go through my things and take stuff. This has been a problem. Then once I got mad I was told by him that I am such a problem and a B and it was his stuff too. He hung up on me again.
In a nutshell, that man treats me like dirt with absolutely no respect. He doesn't even respect me as a human being at this point. I told him, he is no longer welcome here. I blocked his number and frankly told him if he wants to speak with them or visit he can contact his dad and leave a message or something. At this point, I am tired of being treated this way and tired of my home being treated this way. In addition, I am sick and freaking tired of him using our kids as an excuse to come over and basically steal from us. He didn't spend time with them. He went through the house, and at one point sat out in the van talking to OW on the phone. He told them at one point to make a Xmas list - then he said to make it long with lots of different stuff on it because he has a limit to what he can spend because "I won't let him work" again.
So yes, I went off again tonight. I don't care at this point what he thinks about it. Really. I am tired of being treated the way he has done me. That's just blatantly disrespectful of him and I'm not allowing it anymore. I truly believe people treat you how you accept being treated and I'm not accepting it anymore.
I dunno what you guys think. I do care and want your input but frankly, I don't think I am going to change my mind. Also, much of this I think is her doing. Apparently he came back in and got the skillets and stuff AFTER he had talked to her. The only thing I know to do at this point is to completely cut him off. He only seems to want to be around the kids when it benefits him in some way. The other thing is he is calling S14 all the time and making plans and circumventing me. I basically made it clear that is no longer acceptable. I also made it abundantly clear to S14 that he was NOT to do anything like that again.
I hope you guys had a better TG than I did. I will certainly never forget it.
Oh and now he and she have set up Facebook accounts and are trying to friend the kids. Problem is they will see anything I post as well. So what do I do?
Block them from Facebook! You can block their names specifically, go into custom settings and customized each setting one by one. You can even block your comments to you S from being seen by others.
You are totally right and need to 100 percent put your foot down, take control, and not let the crazy person run you life. I was sad to read about your D's they seem to be taking a big hit from H, do they look like you, remind him of you?
I agree he is totally being led by ow (hence the specific things after the call) she is in control and loving it. She is feeding off of the excitement like a junkie, but one day this high will fall way down and I think your in control of a lot of that.
I have been told number one here to stop talking and reacting. It's hurting you to fight against crazy people, so yes, change the locks, stop the calls, reroute visitations to his dad's. Anything you can do to get H away from your life.
I don't know how it is state to state, but he left your home. I was told that means he walked away from some rights, one being that he can't just come and go anymore if you don't want him. Maybe look into your rights as a LBS.
You are in a very hard situation and I pray for your strength, safety, your home and kids. Your H is far gone from you (right now) make him a guest in your life at your own discretion.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
OMG. So apparently she is the one manipulating his FaceBook. She even put old wedding pics of theirs under his profile. I know 100% beyond a shadow of a doubt he didn't have any. Additionally, she had 3 profiles total and then the one for him. So basically for the two kids that had FB -- I blocked all their profiles from them and changed all the privacy settings. I don't know what else to do.
I have said for weeks she is manipulating things. It is so obvious now. I just give up. I am walking away. I am afraid to even speak with him any more.
Go dark as you can. Seriously, right now. Can you take off with kids somewhere for a couple days? Is it financially doable even a road trip? No gun, please no gun.
Do not reply to him, do not engage him, document everything.
Go running, throw stuff ( not in front of kids lol) cry, and repeat until a semblance of sanity or exhaustion is reached. You will be thinking clearer at this point. Keep coming here and venting. We will listen, we support you. DB or not, this is not a good place for you to be in.
TY Ruby. It is not feasible for me to go anywhere. I am just going to avoid him. I had to go back in because they started friending the kids' friends too. So I had to block their friends from view too. It's just getting insane. I am ready to delete the profiles altogether which is stupid but if I have to then I have to.
So she's crazy. (all she had to do is tag him in the photos and they show up in his)
The world will go on without FB, many people here have had to get out for awhile and some never return. You can do this, M!
You aren't crazy but right now you are letting all their actions dictate what you do.
Find out today what your rights are as far as the house goes. If he doesn't have a right to walk into it uninvited, inform him of that in the most peaceful way possible. If he shows up take whatever action is suggested to you.
Talk to the kids, tell them you will take care of them and make sure they are safe. Don't run down their dad or the OW.
Your H and the OW are not problems for you to fix, let them live their lives.
Your problem is to find your path and walk it. You can do this.
Don't know if you've attended AlAnon in the past, if not try it . Give it 6 meetings. The people there can help you. If you have and just haven't been going, get your rear in a seat!
Get your kids whatever help you can.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Bug - Thanks for responding. I have stopped reacting and speaking to them since the other day. I just have been quietly blocking things so that I can cut them out. I never even acknowledged the FB crap. As far as the house I am going to call our county attorney tomorrow. Also to check what sort of things I will need in the case of a protection order. I think that is what is coming. She actually scares me more than him. The main problem for me is the idea that my kids are being put in the middle. They are my concern. I know and agree H and OW are not my problem. I honestly just want to be left alone. Go to work, take care of my kids, and do my own thing. That's all. Nothing else. No contact, No BS. No drama. I think just knowing that it wasn't in my head somehow brought some calmness. Not sure why. It's like - okay so this is it. Now it's obvious and now I am sort of detached. I think the FB incidents really showed me there is no getting along, there is no being nice, there can be no interaction. Sadly, my kids even understand all this. They also realized how damaging it was and as kids all of them know someone that FB has gotten out of control for - which is why they both came to me.
