Having goals and a plan does not make you controlling.
I suggest though that you pick up a goal that has NOTHING to do with your ex or anything else. Someplace to put your focus that is separate from your problems.
In my case, the first time my ex cheated, I trained to climb Mt. Whitney.
When we later separated and divorced, I learned to play the drums in a rock band
When you're focusing on something like that, it takes the focus off those other things. Are you working out, going to meetups, doing charity work, taking a class to further your job, taking up a new artistic endeavour? Stretch your wings. Do standup comedy. Something. What have you always wanted to do but been afraid? I found that after the "worst" that could happen to my marriage did - I became almost fearless to try new things. After all, no failure would be worse than the failure of my marriage - and I'd survived that!
As to finances - check out the blog by Mr. Money Mustache. Lots of good things to think about there. Strategic frugality at this point in your life can lead to great rewards later.
