My Security Blanket

[bustingout]

Thank you everyone for your questions and comments. I appreciate it.

Cadet-My job...I do love what I do. But I came to Sudan for my H and to start family. I have good friends here, but no family. H was my family really. When FIL passed away two years ago and H moved out of our house, the lack of family around me really hit hard. My friends are wonderful...but they have their own families here.

So essentially, my job, is not a driving force keeping me here.

I also would not want to necessarily stay here with out H living here.

Labug-What do I want? I don't know anymore. If I were D completely, I wouldn't have any real reason to stay here or follow H anywhere, unless it really is to keep us together geographically. The thought of moving to Dubai in this same sitch as it stands right now...i know i do not want that. I can't do that.

Where would I go? Of course going back to Egypt is the most obvious option. My family is there. I do not want to live there (its a big, ugly city and I just don't want to live that lifestyle). As i think about it though, it seems like the logical and least traumatic option.

I could stay here for another year until I figure things out more.But that leaves H in Dubai with OW running free and I don't know. If H D's me, I have to decide what I want to do anyway. I just never thought we would be in separate countries.

I feel like I need to talk to H about this. But am quite weary of it leading into R talk.

To be honest I am a little confused on this one.

I suppose i need to say something along the lines of if OW still involved and we are just continuing this sitch as is except in Dubai, I won't do that.

If he says then I will D you, I will still say I won't do that. I am not going to be D'd and then go through the trauma of moving house, the kids, having no friends around me, just so H can come have dinner with the kids a few times a week.

Which leads to the obvious elephant in the room and the PRESSURE. i.e. then if we move to Dubai, it has to be as a family.

I am trying to open my mind up to see what is best for the kids and for me. All scenarios point back to Egypt, although for me personally, its really NOT what I want.

Do you think I should start talking to H about this?