The house is for sale. So sad, Family is breaking.

[FloydMan]

Wow, I really appreciate the input, and the candor. I don’t take offense to it… I need it! Hard to keep posts short.
I turned around after a therapist talked to me and view the affair in a totally different light. I read After the Affair, we went to counselling and I bought into how this happened. As for previous problems, all she wanted quality time she said and we were both so busy that we weren’t giving it to each other. I would get frustrated too and took on more coaching and worked hard and did so much for the kids. We simply forgot about each other and did not realize we had the same problems. We both agreed to that is what happened starting about 4 years ago of disconnecting. She never let me know how she was feeling about that, but I guess neither did I. We both would spoil each other in other ways with favors, gifts and cards etc. She said I was the best husband in the world weeks and days before her affair. We both feel the other was controlling in the relationship. I am far from perfect and always acknowledged where my faults are. I addressed many of them. I was always a confident person, but lost that a bit and I know that bothered her. I lost it a lot more after her affair. It was so hard.
I did get clingy when I was brought back in and wanted it to work again. I definitely went wrong in this area. I maybe was too obsessive. I just wanted it to bet better. It was very confusing. I was never clingy in our marriage, and she acknowledges that. I read DB a couple months ago and wish I read it a year or more ago. It makes so much more sense. I started the 180 about 2 months ago and now trying Last Resort Technique.
Definitely she lost hope when I was so unsure what I wanted and made her feel guilty about the affair and not deal with it. The therapist said as well that it was time to deal with it as we were coming around in the winter and all was working pretty good in the winter months. I definitely wanted the family and marriage but the breach of trust really knocked me out. I always had the “if that ever happens, I am out” thought. But when it actually happens, it is very confusing. I trusted her and not to sound like a martyr, but I never, ever lied or hid anything from her. My life was an open book, but she wanted to keep her life and such very private. She was given clear direction from 3 therapist on how to handle building trust after breaching it, and also the book. If she read DB, she would see the same courtesies or etiquettes to extend the BS. She is a banker, so since we were married she assumed the finances and is now not forthcoming with information. We grew a big debt over time. Not blaming her, but I was always told “we were fine” when I would inquire. She is a spendaholic but I am happy to let her spend, but when it makes sense. That was/is her outlet.
I wish I could convince her to do the 2 day intensive with Michele. I would rather spend that money than on litigation.