TheUF - Changing gears - Dropping the rope?

[theUF]

People CAN change, but will she?

Sounds like you have already decided to drop the rope.

Well, I decided to -try my best- at dropping the rope.
I know I'm not genuinly there yet, so I'm aware that tomorrow or a week from now, or even today, I might change my mind.

you can always drop that rope later, you may not be able to pick it up again if you decide to

You make a good point here. I will consider that statement for sure.

As a person, I can be a bit undecisive at times, but often feel the need to make a decision as fast as possible. I think this applies in this case as well.

Be true to your feelings and what you want.

What I want is for us to be together IF we can sort things out and be happy. We had plans laid out for the future, and it hurts to miss out on them.
That is what I want.
It seems she does not.
And even if she did/does, I'm having strong doubts if it would work.

HOWEVER

That is the exact attitude my X had towards me when she left. Disbelief. She didn't think I would change at all, but I believe I have learned from all of this. It has changed my frame of mind.

I want her to keep an open mind towards me, so I guess I should try to do the same towards her.

What makes me uneasy about the whole situation is :

*In the time leading up to BD, I was mentally exhausted.
*Now, even though all these bad and hurtful things are happening, I feel more mentally strong and balanced.

That makes me think "wow, was our R THAT bad?"
"Did her actions make it so? or did mine?"
"Would it be the same if we got back together?"
In general, "what caused this?"

Some time before BD, I went on a vacation with friends. The first day I could suddenly feel all the stress I had endured fall down on me. It took a couple of days just to get back into gear.