CTflor, I think it is really time for your to go to retrouvaille. Your problem is forgiveness, and its eating away at your soul.
Also go into the website about emotional affairs - its headed by a couple named Linda and Doug. There is so much there about healing after one, and a lot about forgiveness and moving on. So does the "Heroes Spouse" website, although I do find that hard to read.
Being vindictive, seeking revenge - we all experience that. So do I. I still think about what happened and I get mad. Almost every day, but I always switch my thinking consciously to other topics and look at the bright side. Pain is part of living, and I would rather this is my cross than something else....and I see worse things happening to people know and love. I have a best friend whose hubby had an affair, physically battered her and abandoned her with no work, 2 kids, and bills to pay. She presently has been able to get a protection from abuse order and managed to get child support and is living on that plus food stamps. My sister in law lost her only son to brain cancer. Her marriage is in shambles too because she is a compulsive gambler and ended up with around 100K in debt, and my BIL is just recovering from all the devastation. My other BIL is bipolar, has an affair, and my sister discovered last year that he hadn't paid taxes, suppliers, etc and owed around 250,000. She is now rollercoastering, in and out of depression after they had to sell their house and still there is not enough to cover their debts. These are all people close to me and I feel for them so badly...it makes me think.... I look at my situation - H is home, my D is doing well, financially we are stable, my temporary job pays well and I do have a chance of staying longer....and even if we still have our bumps (I will update my sitch when I have time) I get down on my knees and thank God that he is slowly leading us on the right path.
I do wish I could get to talk to you....If you go to retrouvaille we might have a chnasce of meeting. I (and the H) am now volunteering for the SF retrouvaille at certain times of the month, usually the first two weeks. Its been a life changer, goiung to retro....not all at once, but slowly....
Take care and pray to be able to forgive....
Thank you Angel, can you link me to this site?
I know what you are saying. I see other people's situations that are far worse than mine, and although I feel happy mine is not as horrible, it's not helping me at all. After MC this last week, I've come to understand that trust is the stumbling block here. I can forgive him, but I can't forget, and if I can't forget, how do I move forward in this relationship?
Finding out recently about his lying problems from the past, it just crushes me.
He is desperate to hold on to me and our family and says he has changed and will never lie to me again. He has not lied in a year to me. But will his behavior come back again..... I don't know. Is that a risk I'm willing to take? I have to question it.
All I can say is this... I'm happy that he is discovering where some of his problems are coming from, in childhood, and that he's working on some deep things and it has brought about some big revelations for him, but will his changes stick.
I have been there for him, to support and listen, but when it comes to getting any closer than that, I find myself fearful that all of my effort I put in will only render big consequences later. I don't want to get burned again.
