The other day I scared him. I told him that I didn't know what I was feeling anymore. And that living fear of the bottom dropping out makes me feeling like running. He could see what I was feeling, and he got on his knees and started to cry and beg me not to leave, and that he had made a bad mistake and was a fool, and that he can't lose me or our family.
Wow, the WAS becomes the LBS. It happens, but it always surprises me to see such a turn of events.
Originally Posted By: Ctflor
I feel damaged and broken inside. Not even a damn therapist seems to be helping me. Sometimes I feel I'm holding on to a thread that is very thin.
Then change therapists. If after a year you're still struggling with the same issues then your IC is worthless.
You are really blessed to have your spouse back. I know it doesn't feel that way to you, but there are a LOT of people here who would LOVE to be where you are. Not only is he back, but he's fully committed to you. You're afraid he might leave again, I totally understand. But why fear the unknown? You might as well fear that he may die in a car accident tomorrow, or contract a deadly disease. And if you leave him, then what? You hook up with someone else? Another person with their own set of problems that may dump you out of the blue one day? There are no guarantees in life. Make of it what you can. Enjoy what you have now and quit worrying about what tomorrow will bring. You'll likely never be the same as far as opening your heart up fully to him or anyone else, but that doesn't mean you can't still enjoy your marriage. You just need to choose to.
I feel blessed he didn't just walk away without trying to work things out first. And I feel blessed that he chose his family and me, but feeling "lucky" he didn't abandon me and our daughter does not take away the pain and mistrust I feel.
The one thing that came out in MC was that he had lied to me on multiple other occasions that I didn't know of, about porn, his whereabouts, and taking off work and pretending he went there, and went to hang out in the park and go hiking instead. I'm trying to understand, why did he feel a need to lie to me about things. If my husband had come to me and said he needed time off work to just go and do his thing, I would never say "No", I would support him.
He has been working on this issue and he has told me his lying problems stem from childhood, and that he has just always found it easier to lie to his parents, friends, boss, etc. and me.
Lying is a huge thing for me. I don't know how to trust someone who has problems with lying. I don't have trust issues, I have a problem with his lying.
