MLC, affair, internet pictures, we're a mess

[cantslowdown]

PA found out in April... right after Easter. EA was suspected in March. Although I was blind to the obvious in retrospect (if my phone records said anything, it had been going on since October 2011. 80-90% of calls each month were to his number and averaged almost 3 hours a day when I was at work). My bomb of truth with money and a more extensive knowledge of their relationship than i had previously let on was October 1st. I felt like such a fool and didn't even recognize who I had become. In order to keep myself from being an obsessed spy, I told her all this too and said it was now her responsibility to make sure the phone bill was paid. She freaks out still if I get any email from the phone company, advertisements even. It has been my account for longer than I've known her. Its not shocking if I get email from them. After I found out about her physical affair, she began locking her phone, logging out of all her accounts (usually.. sometimes she rushed out of the house leaving them open on hurtfully incriminating things). Sometimes I now find myself amused at the lengths she goes to lie. Mostly because she knows I know and, like i did in my past lying, its not so much lying to your spouse as much as it is lying to yourself and betraying your own self image. It makes me feel sad for her, but also more joyous for me because by my not lying anymore I never have to worry about what I've said or when I'll be found out. The truth can stand on its own. It just is. Lies always have to travel in packs. Like wolves, they will also battle for supremacy, constantly biting at each others heels. One overtakes the other over and over until stronger lies persist and lead the way. From money to just trying to pretend my needs were whatever her wants were, I was slowly dying. I feel like a new man.