I want the man that he truly is, not this "stranger" that he is acting like. I've been there, I've gone through my own MLC which started all this. So I'm willing to "wait" while moving on at the same time. I will move on for me and my daughter but ill leave the door open for him. I don't know what his involvement in my D's life he will have now, only time will tell. But I know I love the man I've been with for 15 years, not the man he has been for the past 3 months. My D and I are going to stay in our family home for at least another 6 months so that is one of my goals - to have him return home before the end of June. I spent a few hours last night working on my goals, very hard indeed. But I have time now. And space. I won't give up on bringing my family back together.
Dont give up your very noble goal. As you expeirenced for yourself people do change and people do need to go through their Own stuff.
Hang in there. This is as hard as fighting cancer Stay positive for your daughter.
It is really great that you have goal right now of 6 months. When I came here I could only see 3 weeks into the future. Increasing the time frame for recovery helps you make smarter decisions and allows you not to fester on small mistakes because you have months/years to solve this.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Just read a little more about your sitch. Going out to a bar is not the only form of GALing, there are many other things that are more "lady like" and appriopriate for a mom.
Book club and gym are great. Dinner and a movie with friends too
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Thank you soooo much, that means a lot to me. I have been doing the more appropriate GALing altho a lot of my time is taken up by my daughter and her activities but I really enjoy it so I'm not going to stop those things. But I have joined a book club, I've started reading again, and have been out to supper with friends and to movies. I've even started playing cards again with my friends and family. Next on the list is rearranging and painting in my home. His stuff is all gone, it feels empty so I need to make it a "home" again for me and my D. We got into an emotional discussion on the phone this afternoon. He emails me out of the blue to say he was coming and taking one of our dogs. He can't just do that! That would be devastating not only to me, but to my daughter and our other dog as well. So I stood my ground and told him no but I was willing to compromise if he wanted to pick her up to take her hunting. He agreed. I'm not sure he understood but at least he agreed. I feel like I "won" a very very small battle. If you have any other suggestions for GALing I would love to hear them. I don't have a ton of friends and the ones I do have are so busy with their own lives and children, i feel like I rely on them too much even tho they say I don't. I'm going to read up on your stitch as well. Thanks again.
I find it very hard to meet new people. What is Meet-Up? I do volunteer with my D's Sparks group but not really sure when I would have time to volunteer any other place.
Sounds like you stay very busy. For me part of my recovery has been to slow things down and not over schedule my life and my kids life so that it becomes unmanageable.
I highly recommend Al-Anon. Even if you think alcoholism is not a factor in your sitch many people come to al-anon for support for mental illness and other tough sitchs. Its hard to rely on friends right now, it feels like you are taking advantage of them, but Al-anon friends want to help you. They need to help, its part of their own healing.
You are doing great. Hang in there
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
I will look up Meet-up but not sure its in my community. I live in a small canadian town in a small province. No alcohol or drugs are involved in our situation, well not that I'm aware of. We are both social drinkers but that's it. He came by this morning to pick up the dogs for hunting. He looks so sad. I asked if he was sleeping and eating okay he just shrugged. A lot of my friends think I am so stupid for standing by and being in love with a man who is now living with another woman. Maybe I am, I just don't know. I'd love to find a success story similar to mine. He's supposed to coming with our D and me to the tree lighting ceremony tonight. He said he would come for supper and we could all go in together. It was my suggestion of course but I didn't press the issue. I don't view it as any type of victory because I know he's only doing it for D right now. Any suggestions on how I should act and talk to him while we are together tonight? The last family function we were at, thanksgiving, I was a total zombie, couldn't talk or anything. And I know I can't keep being that way, its not working or helping anything (cheeseless tunnels chapter :))
