Paperwork almost done, but not me!

[Denver_2010]

What do you have to lose? I say go for it if it is the truth.

[Grocerykartman]

Eyes,

Don't think twice about posting shortly after you say you're taking a break. Stuff just comes up unexpectedly, and especially this time of year.

I would like to stress that Denver's W has moved home whereas my marriage was NOT saved. So, I want to make it clear to you that I don't know what's best, and certainly won't disagree with his take of why not? I am only going to offer you my OPINION rather than say anything that is or sounds like a directive.

Which is, as you might know, I'm not a big fan of writing things, letters, tetxs, etc., because they can easily be misconstrued in the written format and you never get the opportunity to take the words back because written things come off as premeditated.

But, it sounds like you've reached the point where you must get this off your chest. You never want to be passive when she's doing something that truly is wrong or irritates you.

So I think you do need to address this in some manner. But I would keep it more matter of fact to set the record straight and squeeze the emotion out of it as best you can. I'd eliminate all the reminders to her and digs at her about "her walking out." I'd also stop writing the majority of it in the 3rd person and go with this perhaps:

My edits are in red, my talking to you is in blue. (Hopefully I got all the editing right with the amount of brackets involved with text editing on here.)


W, I wasn't sure how or if I should reply to your last text, but after thinking about this a little, it I would like to say bullshit. I don't believe for one second that the only reason your family is nice to me is because you asked them to be. It couldn't be, because they know that more than anything I want my family together, that I continue to love, support and respect youtheir daughter even after all this.she walked out. It couldn't be because I am a man that has admitted my mistakes, apologized for them and is trying to change the things about myself that I can change. This is a statement that breaks one of the 37 rules. And you're right, I cannot control my family, but I have talked to them and I know the love for you is still there, but they are very hurt by all of this. Have they handled it the best, no, probably not, but that is not for either of us to judge. I assume that both sides are acting they way they are because they know which one of us is standing for their family, and which one of us walked out the door.
Maybe instead of that last sentence: You and I both know firsthand this is not an easy thing to handle, so it's not like this is something either of us can expect anyone to handle perfectly.

[Grocerykartman]

I should have also written though, I firmly believe if you say anything in response, say it calmly and I repeat, matter of factly. Not because you're mad at her text or thoughts. Because you honestly disagree and want to say it for the record.

[eyesopen]

I was mad at first, but have learned to shut my mouth and walk away to think about it. Now I do disagree and feel like I need a say in it. I don't want turn tail and run everytime see says something I disagree with. I also realize the value in saying nothing, and letting her deal with these issues. Up to this point the only thing I have been vocal about is fighting for every second I can get with my children.

[eyesopen]

I sent the reply text this morning, basically the toned down version that GKM suggested. I received a immediate response.

"It's probably because you are a better person than I. Do what you want."

I am assuming this is addressing the gift portion of her original text and original issue. Since I am not positive, and there was no need I did not reply. I have decided not to buy gifts for her niece and nephew. If it is a way to respect her boundaries I will do that. Actions not words.

It is intriguing how our last few interactions have went. She seems to be reacting to me, rather than me reacting to her, as it was in the beginning. I am thinking that it comes with the detachment process. I am nowhere near detached, but I am getting there. Albeit slowly, although I beleive it is probably best to happen slowly.