But I guess I don't understand what this does besides delay the inevitable.
Inevitable?
Keep thinking that and it WILL be inevitable.
Exactly. We all have the power of self determination. If you don't use that power, the outcome will be determined for you.
For me, I'd rather go down fighting for what I want, rather than just give in.
I'm not trying to convince anyone to do anything other than decide what you want and act accordingly. Not to just let someone decide for you.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
God, this is so frustrating. I know that I want to go down fighting but I don't want to cause my W more pain. Even though I know it will be short lived, she will be happy. That is all I've ever wanted for her. I can take the pain, I've been living in perpetual fear for 3 years. I've always considered myself a strong willed person. She is not, and hearing her cry on the phone broke my heart more than her leaving me. I don't want to put her through more pain. I'm so torn.
Me - 32 Wife - 31 No kids Married - 3 Together - 6 "I need space" - July 2012 Bomb/Presence of OM - August 2012 Separation - September 2012
Why do you think it's God's plan for you? Just b/c she said that's what she waeents?
Because if I am accepting that God has a plan for me, then I am accepting that I have no control over the outcome of events in my life. I have done and AM doing everything I can to save my M and I can at least be at peace with that.
I haven't read your entire sitch - but this stuck out to me so I thought I would comment on it.
Whist I completely agree with that God does indeed have a plan for us.. I don't believe for one second he expects us to throw our hands up and say.. "well it's out of MY hands and in His". He expects us to participate. It's a relationship WITH him. It's not that one-sided.
I also do believe that he loves us SO much - he allows us to make mistakes. He gives us that freedom.. so maybe he doesn't really want you to get a D, but he loves your w so much - he will let her make a mistake. Because he has a plan in store for her too.
You are limiting yourself with the mind-thinking above. I don't think God's plan for you is to get divorced.. I think that is really small way of looking at something HUGE... which is understandable. We're not him, so we cannot possible fathom what he does have planned for us.
However.. What IF you believed that God's ONLY plan for you.. was to love you...unconditionally... and in seeing his love for you... you would be compelled to love others in the exact same way.
Think how that perspective would change EVERYTHING that you do. It would change your heart...
.. it would surely change the interactions you had with your w. (And just to be clear.. I don't mean bending to her every need).
This hardship is not one that is completely out of your hands.. in fact.. you have so much IN your hands.. you just need to open your eyes to see it.
So will you continue to throw your hands in the air?? or will you accept the hardship infront of you as God's way to help you become the son he always meant for you to be.
Your choice..
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
She is crying b/c she does NOT know what she wants. If she was clear-minded & completely detached from you she would be EMOTIONLESS.
That's the good thing for you guys- we women tend to be far more "out there" w our emotions, so it's up to you to decipher their meaning.
Lack of emotions-not good. Emotions- I still have feelings.
I know it's really far more complex, but don't let her apparent pain make you want to drop the rope. That's what our family & friends say- end the pain. YOU need to be ready...r u?
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
She is crying b/c she does NOT know what she wants. If she was clear-minded & completely detached from you she would be EMOTIONLESS.
That's the good thing for you guys- we women tend to be far more "out there" w our emotions, so it's up to you to decipher their meaning.
Lack of emotions-not good. Emotions- I still have feelings.
I know it's really far more complex, but don't let her apparent pain make you want to drop the rope. That's what our family & friends say- end the pain. YOU need to be ready...r u?
I agree here. My W is no longer emotional at all in our sitch. You still have hope.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
God, this is so frustrating. I know that I want to go down fighting but I don't want to cause my W more pain. Even though I know it will be short lived, she will be happy. That is all I've ever wanted for her. I can take the pain, I've been living in perpetual fear for 3 years. I've always considered myself a strong willed person. She is not, and hearing her cry on the phone broke my heart more than her leaving me. I don't want to put her through more pain. I'm so torn.
What is better for her in the long run fuanac? Being in her marriage to you? Or being with OM?
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
You have an opinion Fuanac, and it DOES matter. You need to stop minimizing the importance of YOU. Not only as it relates to your M and your W, but everything in your life. YOU matter. YOUR opinions matter.
So what, is your W better off being married to you, or being with OM?
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I agree with Denver. Even though we say to pull back and not pursue, at the same time...you have to keep a positive mental attitude about things in your life. You need to think of yourself as being the best option for your wife. It gives off the air, vibe, sense.....whatever you want to call it.....that you are self-confident regardless of what she thinks she wants. That makes you better.
Don't just "accept" whatever happens as being predertmined in God's plan for your life and you don't have a choice in it. God doesn't want families split apart.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You have to change your mindset. Sure you can't force her to do something she won't, but believe what you know is true.
If even you can't believe it, how can she?
If she can't see it though, it's her choice. And she might regret it.
In my sitch I try to remind myself that it's not my job to force her to see the the bad choices she might be making. I can only do so much, the rest is up to her.
Together for 8,5 years. S2 Interest in OM. She left 29.09.12 b/c we couldn't work things out. No signs of OM, not digging. Living in seperate homes, sharing custody.
