TheUF - Changing gears - Dropping the rope?

[theUF]

Link to my first thread here - (clicky)

Sidenotes :
-Big love to those who helped me and provided advice and thoughts in my first thread.
-My sitch hasn't been that bad when comparing to what some others go trough on this board. But for me it's still bad.

A couple of days ago I made a decision that today I would try to decide if I would drop the rope or not.

What is power? In short - the ability to affect others.

However, sometimes we see power where there is none.

SS's uncle said people can only make you feel a certain way if you let them.

I work with a guy who wants to climb the ladder, he wants people to do things his way. He screams, yells and argues. Often he gets his way, but only with the people who are to afraid to confront him, this is not power. They don't even respect him, they just don't want the confrontation.

Another guy often gets his way, but mostly by making people listen and think. They do it out of free will. Guy nr.2 knows this is power, guy nr.1 would believe he is weak if he did the same.

Lately my X has been playing some kind of mind game.
She would call me, but not answer when I returned her call. She would suddenly stop answering on important topics(like S).
We had an appointment with S today, but she didn't answer my txt and made no contact until 1 hour before.

Not typical her, and it started burrowing into my head. It started affecting my mood around others.

(FLASHBACK: when things went down the drain, I had found out she was flirting with a guy. No PA, but still heavy flirting. She says she is not seeing anyone, but I think she has him in the crosshair.)

When we meet up today it turns out she has started on a new big tattoo, made and being done by this very guy.

Needless to say, seeing S IN her arms, and that tattoo ON her arm was a major kick to the groin.

Like with the mind game, it affected me, I wanted to just take S and leave. But I remembered that it only affects me if I let it.
I worked through it and actually had a good time. No thanks to her lol.

She has also stated she need no help from no one.
Couple weeks ago though she was getting a "too good to be true" kind of deal, and was going to spend a months salary on it. Hard earned money. Of course I warned her(without interfering too much). She would hear none of it.

Well turns out it was a scam, and she is now back living at parents place, even deeper in chit(financially).


So where does this leave me?

FIRST : After this short of a time I am of course not completely ready to drop the rope, but I can give it my best.
I think it may be what's best for me.
Even if nothing is going on between them, and this may sound stupid, the tattoo will forever remind me of this situation.
If something is going on between them, even more so.

I might be reading too much into it, but it's none the less how I feel right now.

SECOND : She has low self-esteem issues. She has minor anger issues. She is one of the most stubborn people I know. She has also been charming, caring, loyal and good to me. But I always see this other side of her shining through sometimes.

Right now I'm asking myself, "If we only had been together 1 years, with no son. Would I consider her? H3LL NO!"
It seems the only thing telling me to keep her in my life is that we have been together for so long and have a son together.

Still;

I deserve better than this.



(I am very grateful for anyones advice, 2x4's, thoughts etc.
I haven't thought about how to drop the rope yet, but I will think about it this weekend)