Realistic Optimist Hard At Work

[Just A Guy]

Sooooooo... Its been a great few days.. I have been journaling, W has been so open with me. She has been really relaxed around me, more so than normal. Thanksgiving was a LOT of fun, we had a great time together.

On our way to my parents for dinner "I wont give up on us" started playing and W asked me to turn it up because she really likes the song and the message. We sang it together, made me feel she was still in it.. Then while at parents house she made plans with my S to see her at college in May..

Then this morning I woke up next to her and saw her sleeping smiling next to me. I started to tear up. She means the world to me and she is worth laying down my life for. Well she woke up while I was looking at her and she put her hand on my cheek. She told me "I wish I could take your hurt away."

I told her "I am not hurt as much as I am afraid of losing you. You and our marriage mean the world to me and I would do anything to save it. All of this is new to me and I am trying to change to show you the man you fell in love with."

She was silent, she just grabbed my hand and lay there. She had a hard time looking into my eyes. Not going to initiate contact..

I got to work and started thinking more. as I thought the hurt and anger welled up...

OF COURSE you can take the hurt away!!! DECIDE to not walk away, DECIDE to not break the vows you took not once but TWICE with me!! Decide to figure things out and make the commitment to fall in love again... Once you make that commitment half the battle is OVER and you can truly work on the issues..

I know I have! I have been more open, more vulnerable.. its a loooong road for me to get where I need to be but the hardest part was figuring out a direction and committing to it...

Gonna be a tough day at work and then working out after which I will be back home with W for the evening...