When I was having my dalliance with OM2, he would tell me that his W was very cold and distant, but when it all came crashing down, it turned out that he was "desperate" to fix things with her. I think the cold and distant thing can be a reaction to each other. He perceives you as cold and distant, so he acts cold and distant, so you perceive him as cold and distant, which makes you act cold and distant.... repeat... This happened in my own M too, for years.
One person has to be the one to break the pattern. I wouldn't recommend doing it the way I did, which was not to really address it and to put band aids on, making myself feel better but damaging the relationship at the same time.
One of you has to SAY SOMETHING from the heart. I know you're not feeling invested enough right now to do this. But if you said, "H, I don't like feeling cold and distant from you. I want us to talk," I am sure he would not only do it but he would feel grateful for you breaking the ice. The issue is, why should you be the one to break the ice when you've done all the work all along? I totally get it.
It's not fair, but I believe it's really going to fall on you to right the ship in this moment. Because he's too self-protective to take any risks with you.
Me54, H53 M 23, T 25 S20, S18 BD: April 2024 Moved out: August 2024
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
