I remember one time my sister's daughter got cut. My sister was out. According to our mother, who was at the house, the finger was nearly severed. According to my sisters FIL it was just a scratch. Anyway, it was a 4 stitch cut. So not as described. So it is all a matter of opinion.....
Some people will never ever admit anything bad happened. Weird, isn't it.
I hope you are doing well.
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Happy Thanksgiving! I hope everyone is having the best Thanksgiving weekend possible given our individual circumstances.
My girls told XH they wanted to spend Thanksgiving with me. They told him he has family, and OW and felt bad leaving me alone. XH completely flipped his lid, and shunned his own daughters with silent treatment and scathing remarks to D13 yesterday. Today was a little better, but he was still silent and obviously very upest. Of course, I got spew too. It was all my fault, and of course I will hog all the Holidays and he only gets whatever I will let him have. So I said " Im sorry you feel that way because that's not what Im trying to do".
I knew it was a matter of time before he started in on his kids with the same emotional blackmail he's always done to me. However with his behavior, any last hope I had for some sort of healthy friendship completely died within me yesterday. I mean died. I don't ever want to speak to that man again.
On another note, I almost had a date last weekend, but this guy flaked out and never called back to confirm. As it turns out I was relieved because I could tell this was going no where, though he's a really nice person.
I think I might give eharmony a try and see what comes. I know what kind of relationship I want, but I think what Im really trying to figure out is if I want a relationship now. I can tell that maybe my perceptions of a new relationship are jaded from my 21 year relationship with XH. I seem to think any relationship would end up with me feeling enslaved, unappreciated and not comfortable being myself. Im expecting any new relationship to be unhealthy.
How on earth does a person shake that off? Still more work to do on myself I can see!
I'm sorry he pulled that stunt w/your girls. Your daughter is wise beyond her years when she pointed out that he had his family and the ow. I'm sure that went over like a lead balloon. Of course you got spew...he thinks you've brainwashed the girls and we know that isn't true. He can't see that his behavior is what is driving the girls away from him. He's still in a densely foggy area and who knows if he'll ever find his way out of the woods.
Kimmerz, I'm going to go out on a limb and just say this and I don't want you to take it the wrong way. Okay? I don't think you are ready to be dating. You've still not completely healed from your relationship w/your xh. You still have some wounds that haven't completely healed and they are still festering and you don't want to go out on dates and be comparing the new relationships you develop w/what you had w/your xh. Give yourself some time. Don't rush your healing process.
I hope that you and your daughters have a nice Thanksgiving.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
No offense taken Snodderly, none at all. I pretty much figured I may not be ready, but I am finding myself interested in men again.
Just one question, how on earth do you NOT compare your new relationships with old relationships?
I don't understand that. I've been involved with a self absorbed MLCers for years. If I find a nice man that is nothing like XH, don't I need to compare what's different between the two in order to help me see a healthy relationship for what one really is?
I kinda feel like dating might speed up the healing process for me a bit. I know working with some very nice emotionally healthy men helped me to realize juse how unhealthy XH is. It was such an eye opener to see that not all people live like that or act like that.
Just curious how to go about this dating business...cause the idea of it is overwhelming anyway.
Kimmerz, When you are out on a date or a meet up, leave the baggage at home. Many people start out dating and discuss their exes during the first few dates and some even continue to do so until the new person gets tired of it or they find a new date. Unless your date asks why you are divorced or what happened, I wouldn't discuss it with them or I would keep that subject very general and short. You want to spend your time w/your date learning about him and vice versa. It's a new beginning and one that should be fun and you need to keep your options open. It's really a learning curve in today's society, but you will get the hang of it.
You will compare your xh to your date, but in time, you will learn to trust yourself, your heart and the person that may become important in your life. Look for the positives. We all have some negative traits, but that doesn't mean the new person will be doing the exact same things that your xh has done to you. When the right one comes along...your heart will tell you. If you can remain positive, the right person will come along when you least expect it. Dating should be a fun way to meet new people and share time with.
Take things slow and if you don't like the first "frog", you must may have to kiss quite a few before the right one comes along and turns out to be the prince.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
And remember, it's a DATE, not a relationship. You're just going out to learn a little more about who someone is. Like meeting someone at a party and having a chat.
WEll Thanksgiving is done and now it's D9's b day next week, then Christmas time rush.
The girls and I really enjoyed our Thanksgiving together. D13 even asked to say Grace before we ate. Though she was a bit emabarassed and giggly, she did say a nice prayer. I was suprised I didn't even ask her to do that.
XH didn't contact the girls at all yesterday. He wished them a Happy Thanksgiving the day before but didn't even bother to text a Happy Thanksgiving yesterday. The girls pay attention to how much their father interacts with them and I can tell they were disappointed. XH seems to have backed way off even BEFORE the girls talked to him about staying home Thanksgiving.
So I guess the last couple months of him acting decent, opening up a bit, and being friendly was just another touch and go or maybe peeking out pretty good from the tunnel, but as soon as reality comes along, back in he goes!
I'm glad you and the girls had a nice Thanksgiving, but I'm not surprised he didn't contact them yesterday. Mlcers tend to disappear when their is a holiday or anniversary floating around. He'll touch base again before the beginning of the week. He's got to let this holiday settle down before he does.
So, what does your daughter want for her birthday?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So I guess the last couple months of him acting decent, opening up a bit, and being friendly was just another touch and go or maybe peeking out pretty good from the tunnel, but as soon as reality comes along, back in he goes!
Is there an expectation in there somewhere?
Snodderly's right - holidays are going to be difficult for him. May not be in the next few days, but it's likely the holidays have to settle down first.
What's the plan for the birthday?
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
No Aj, No expectations. Just realizations that's all. I've finally got his cycle down.
Well the birthday girl is actually getting two special days. Tuesday is her actual birthday. Im planning on taking cupcakes for her class that afternoon. Only a few gifts since money is trickling in off course in regards to child support and maybe her choice of dinner. Saturday is the slumber party with a couple of friends. My daughter wants a lot for her birthday. She's quite the wildfire. Where D13 is wise, kind, and caring beyond her years, D9's state of mind is" it;s all about me!" . She's a handful, but her heart is in the right place. I consistently have to keep her attitude and consideration of others in check. She loves to push boundaries!
Why again are the Holiday's tough for an MLCer? Based on his actions I figured he's just happy as can be. It's still very hard for me to grasp that in MLC land they act completely opposite in every way. Hence they appear as happy, but are miserable and show it by being impossible to deal with.
I think my feelings towards him have just up and died the last few days. It's almost like I don't even feel anything. All I do is just know. I know who he is NOW and what he's capable of. Im sad that my girls are now more involved in this and that they have to deal with this side of him, but I can't protect them from his mood swings, twisted perceptions, manipulations, and issues forever.
