Hello and welcome to the forums! Something you didn't post that might be helpful is the age of you and your W and how long you've been married. Also how many children you have and their ages and how long since BD.
Sounds like you're on the right track as far as taking stock of your issues in the marriage and working on those. Your W clearly isn't putting forth any effort to save things, but that's pretty typical. At this point she's convinced herself she is done and the M is dead. So just keep working on yourself and give her plenty of space and time. Don't expect any progress in the short term, it usually takes months to even start seeing baby steps. Stick with your 180's and have patience.
A quick warning about the counseling, it most likely will not help. A WAS that's one foot out the door nearly always ignores any potentially helpful info and embraces any comments the C makes that appear to validate their desire to leave. My W largely ignored everything the C said that would help work on the M, but as soon as the C said that maybe separation was the answer she jumped all over it with great enthusiasm.
Originally Posted By: cantslowdown
She texted to let me know that she and the kids went to get groceries today that I was originally going to pick up after work and that all I needed to get was the wine. I texted back thanks and that i'd pick up the drinks on the way home then. Now I don't need a response after that. Its plain and simple, no mlaice, no expectations. I get a simple one word answer anyway, "Yep" which in her terms is very curt.
Don't read too much into such things. Texting is a lousy form of communication. You can't hear voice inflections and see body language. People read all kinds of crazy stuff into the shortest of texts.
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I feel like communication in that manner is another way she is trying to bait me into an argument. I feel like she has gone out of her way to send a three letter text to let me know just how much she doesn't care.
That's mind-reading. Don't engage in it, it'll just make you bitter. You need to act "as if" everything is great. She's "curt" to you, you be pleasant to her.
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How do others "act as if" and just ignore this stuff? Instead of reading into it being snippy, do you just reinterpret this stuff "as if" she said, "Tht's escellent, honey. Thanks for stopping off to get the wine. By the way we have white so I was hoping you'd choose a great red. You're so good at picking out wine to go with dinner." When I do that, I already smile a bit knowing, that, YES, I am picking out a great wine that our family will enjoy. I am good at that (not that I need her approval, but I'd rather go without anything than what seems like baiting for a fight).
Well we don't typically build entire stories of acting "as if" out of a simple text message, LOL! But I guess if it works for you then do it. Acting "as if" usually means just ignoring our spouse's poor behavior towards us and acting like we're content and happy in spite of it. Act as if your life is fine and you'll be great with or without your W. Have you read the 180 DB tips sticky at the top of the forum? They're great, it's helpful to review them several times a day until you memorize the intent of them.
