Good day over all, Journaling: So I cried very briefly and then went about my dinner plans with the kids. My H was here up until around 4p. My D18 tried to spend some time with him, he laughed (though very reserved) after an hour slipped onto the porch, then he slipped into his car and left.
Like I said early he didn't want to have anything to do with TG because he's not TFull for ANYTHING! So I guess he stayed true to himself with that one. He's out there in his house clothes (sweats & glasses) no cell, but I see he took his e-reader which gives me some comfort.
It tells me that he's likely at the park, parked reading and smoking. WHy do I care - I can't care - sorry - I have to put myself first - this has the potential to make me crazy if I let it in.
SO I am thankful that my kids are adult enough to chalked it up to dad being how he is...no animosity or hurt feelings from them. My D18 saw me tear up as I said it's our first TG in 24yrs apart...she said "so"...it's not a big deal! Her only concern is that he's not off hurting himself.
I'm ok, surprisingly! Sad, that he's this sick (gone) and won't let us help him or go to the C himself to finally put his ducks back in a row.
D18 has work tonight at Hollister in the mall I guess I'll have one of my S's take her for safety, she's lucky to have 3 older brothers, I think it makes things a little easier missing her dad.
Me, I'm going to go on with my night, when H comes back- don't ask, don't have an attitude, exercise patience and pray for the strength to carry it though!
Good wishes all around!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
