I also checked all our accounts. He has blocked me. More than likely it was her but whatever. Sigh. I should have expected this.
My guilt is pretty much gone. Not sure why I had it in the first place. I'm so stupid sometimes. I give up.
He was scary. The look on his face I just can't get over it. I pray he won't show up tomorrow. Really. I know my kids would be disappointed but seriously they all just sat there for a minute watching them. Not saying anything. It was disturbing. I even wondered if he is on hard drugs it was so bad. I don't think so though. Although, her uncle is a notorious meth maker so it is a very real possibility especially considering he hasn't had contact with anyone really but her family. I would rather just think his brain chemicals are jacked and his rage is so intense he is not even thinking straight. That he can't think straight.
It would almost be a blessing at this point if something would happen and he wind up in jail or the hospital. That probably sounds dumb. It felt like holy cow-- what is happening. This isn't regular angry. This is much much more.
I have been considering protection orders but I don't have any evidence really or anything that would be enough to justify it to a judge. Not sure. My S14 gf/guardian is a family court judge. Perhaps I can ask what is needed. It has me fairly freaked out. Also, that she was doing the same thing. I wasn't saying anything or screaming. Just looking. None of the kids were doing anything. Just looking. I'm surprised he didn't wreck.
S14 thinks I need a handgun. I guess I just gave my evidence right there. He said earlier -- Mama I think we need a revolver or a handgun. That should tell me enough. It scared him too.
He also overheard me on the phone talking to my mom and I said to her = "it was like a different person." S says- it is a different person. That's not my dad. I don't know where he went.
I don't know what to do. I need to take my anxiety meds. That much I DO know.
