A Life Filled With Grace

[Valeska19]

Hi Val,
Your story kinda scares me a little.

Have you read it?. Bless ya if you did... It's long but I put everything out on the table.

What about my story scares you?

If I can't win back my wife, I will have to start from scratch. Or worse, I'll be a divorcee with a kid. Who wants that?

I can't understand that fear. It's difficult for me to talk about my life w/o bringing up my xw. She was a part of it for all those years.

And yes.. some people have gotten hesitant.. when it comes up. The trick is to have compassion and show some grace that "Divorce" scares people. They don't want to end up there.

... and then balance it with the knowledge that the right person will understand. He/She will find you to be worth working through that with.

Make sense?

I don't know if it's good or bad, but in a sense, you are freer without kids, to really forgive, forget, and go on. Whereas, I'll be always "chained" to my W.

I AM thankful that we don't have kids together. If you read my story, you will read that we were trying 4 months before the bomb.. and it would have been awful going through it with them.

But then I didn't really get to DB either to her. My contact was VERY limited. I HAD to work on me.. I HAD to make the changes real for ME.

And I know you feel "chained" but currently that is just your pain talking. Even though I am D.. I still love my xw, and I know if we could sustain a healthy R, I would fight hard to have her in my life.

Looking back, is there anything you wish you did, or didn't do, to save your M? (I'm still trying to figure out what I should do at this point).

That's a good question. I'll have to think about that some... but I can tell that if there are things that I wish I DID or DIDN'T DO.. it will be because I wasn't the woman I wanted to be... NOT because I wanted a recon. There is a difference.

And I can tell you that I have very few regrets in the D process. It could have gotten ugly.. very ugly... and there were times when I could have snapped back... Given the treatment that was gave to me......

... but I didn't and at times I hated it. I hated taking the high road. I hated hurting more to love her.

There were times that I cried out.. "I Don't want to be the bigger person! She doesn't deserve my kindness".

But the board supported me and helped me stayed focus. And that's where my faith came in. And that's when my heart started to truly change.

I am forever grateful for those moments.. no matter how painful they were at the time.

And Val, 30 is still "acceptable" young to date and meet someone new, don't waste your time. Soon I'll be 35, and already that's a different story. I notice this when I meet 22-26 girls who think I'm like 27-30, and then are all surprised when I say my age...

Oh I know it.. but it's in God's time now. I'm healing and I'm okay with the pace of it. When my heart is ready.. there will be someone.