Can This Be Salvaged?

[25yearsmlc]

Its very possible and that was a double post sorry. My W got started on all over a mat that I left outside. I drywalled and spackled the foyer so I put the mat outside to clean and forgot about it. She came home from volleyball and said " you left the mat outside and cats are going to urinate on it go get NOW!"

So instead of jumping up and running to her command I sat there. So she went outside and got it herself and on the way by me is when she started the insults. Now I was going to get the mat but I wasnt going to just jump up because she ordered me too.

Instead of "showing her" that you won't be ordered around,
THIS^^^ might have been a good time to SAY the following comment while getting the stupid mat and while staying calm but shaking your head in wonder at how OUT Of LINE SHE is behaving...


Insert Your words
"In all the years we've been together I don't ever remember ordering her around like that. Makes me think she thinks I'm [her] doormat."


Typically it used to be things like that that would set off a huge fight because the way she talks like would get me going.

No one makes you "get going" or causes you to behave a certain way. Own your behavior as you want her to own hers. We're all adults.

All I wanted for her to do was ask me to get the mat.

But you did not tell her that. You ignored her, which is passive aggressive. I'm not defending her behavior

but yours was not very effective, was it?


I didn't get angry at all just sat there in disbelief that something so minor set her off about me not wanting to work its my fault I'm laid off etc.

THAT^^^ is the issue you can address.

AND OR just state that you expect to be talked to by a calm rational person and if she's not that person, you might not "hear" her...

In all the years we've been together I don't ever remember ordering her around like that. Makes me think she thinks I'm her doormat.

sometimes my incredulity was what my h would note, way more than my anger.

Me being angry rarely, IF EVER, helped my cause. But being hurt, or being dumbfounded sometimes made him realize he was sounding like a nut or a bully. That gave him pause, which is all we can realistically hope for, IN the heat of the moment.

There's a lot going on here, more than a recent lay off would account for.

What do YOU BELIEVE HER - real issues are with you? What else does SHE SAY the issues are?

And last, but not least, I gotta say I'm NOT too impressed with the union problems I keep hearing about.

Maybe it's fine but to ME, preventing you from searching for work b/c you got laid off, IS not good for YOU...(it's good for the UNION'S power but not the members. I hate that. Insane.

reminds me of the Hostess company...the baker's didn't want a pay cut though they knew the company had serious problems. The Teamsters union agreed to the pay cuts!

So now none of them has a job...and we can't get Ho Ho's!...brilliant...