wife wants her space, doesnt know who she is

[25yearsmlc]

Wow so lsat might didn't go so well... My W started R talk and started to say thinks we need more time apart, rather then doing everyother day at our house and "seeing eachother everyother day" she thinks we should do more of a true serperation splitting up our week into 3 mine 4 hers then switch it.

well it's very hard to detach when you see each other this often. It's also MUCH harder for her to notice any changes in you. So there's an upside to this AND you only have so much control anyhow...may as well adapt your best.

Besides, I don't think you have detached, at all...do you?


She also started talking about her feelings and the way she felt about me, which was a really hard pill to swallow! Saying she is way happier when she is away from me and she feels like she is a better mom when I'm not around.

any idea why she said this? You'll hear not to put much stock into what they say BUT it doesn't mean there's no value in it. Consider it a "mission" to learn what the heck she means by that comment...maybe ask her to explain it.

Explore it further, b/c no matter what, you two ARE going to have to co parent the rest of your lives so you need to know what she means and if there's any validity to it and why...

She says she hates me for what I've put her through.

what do you think SHE MEANS by that comment? Have you genuinely apologized for the comments that have some truth in them?




And she doesn't think we can ever get back to where we once were. I validated evrything she said \

tell me what that means to YOU...when you say you "validated", what did you exactly tell her?

mind you as she is saying all this. She went on to say she doesn't want to work onthe marraige because she believes it would be too much work and wouldn't be worth it in the end because she won't be as happy as she could be.

obviously we here do not agree ---BUT we also know that our words will fall on deaf ears. Don't bother arguing your point...but know that a marriage that restores itself or rights itself, and improves

shows the power and beauty of forgiveness (which ALL long term marriages require) AND the power of redemption and commitment, and lasting love.

that's my message for YOU, not for you to give her. She cannot hear you right now. All you can DO, is demonstrate the changes you are making and for every year of the r, it usually takes at least a month of consistent change for the other spouse to believe in it.

If you've been together for say, 6 years, that means it's 6 months of CONSISTENT change on your end, before she'll believe the change is real.

Then said that maybe we should get a legal seperation and maybe 6 months down the road if we truly miss eachother then maybe we can get back together...

I know I should not believe anything she says and half of what she does but man o man hard night...

Man, I know it doesn't feel good. I know...

But filing for a legal sep sure beats filing for a DIVORCE...

and it would give you time to GET A LIFE (my personal list at the end of this post)

and do the work you need to do to become the best man YOU can become...

become a man only a fool would leave.

ALSO, did you read what I posted to you? There are A LOT of unanswered parts still out there for you to respond to...


GAL

When I lived in the interior of Alaska, it was very difficult to GAL and be happy and not just "surrender" to the darkness outside and inside...

and we had a newborn baby too...

So I Got A Life...big time. Biggest obstacle was just overcoming my inertia, but once I made the effort, I never had a regret.

Okay so...see if any of these appeal to you OR might...

I joined a writer's group. Met smart interesting people AND later on, got a job editing a book.

I auditioned for community theater and soon got roles. Met fun people.

I did stand up comedy, which I now do semi professionally.

I coached a girl's softball team.

I was on the Board of Trustees for Alaskan Wrestlers, which my son was into doing.

I worked out and got in great shape. (I looked good and that helped me FEEL good.)

I used a tanning booth in the darkness of winter and it helped my mood AND so did seeing a therapist, and briefly getting on anti depressants.

I did volunteer work at a women's shelter.

I got my pilot's license. (The only pricey thing I did in my GAL).

I took a conversational French class AND an Italian cooking class.

I took a pottery class-that was very out of my normal routine.

I did PTA things at my kids schools and it helped me know my child's friends and teacher more. I went on field trips as a chaperone.

I edited a book. B/c of the books' topic (hunting) I learned to hunt big game.

I learned to deep sea fish. I learned to cross country ski and to shoot well.

I joined a wive's club, also a new thing for me. That was great b/c i met the two bff's who got me through such a hard time. Not sure I'd have made it without them.

I met none of these people thru my h. All on my own...

And it made ME more interestING and more interestED...and HAPPY...

and your w needs to see you as a happy guy who is fun to be around...

a man with "a lot going on for him", AND someone with a future...

as a solid provider, as a willing dedicated co parent, as an interesting companion, as a passionate lover, and as aareliable loyal friend. Those are traits we all want in our partners.

What do YOU want to work on the most? What would make you feel as if you were making progress in those goals?

And btw, congrats on the new job.

Also-I'm curious... What would you LIKE to do as a career, if you could do anything?