We need a better attitude around here.

[greatwhitenorth]

I was absolutely gutted when H left. I posted a lot.

Today, I rarely post but maybe I should. But I guess I don't because my life isn't about my H or my marriage or its breakdown anymore.

I have detached completely and am doing fantastic. Most days H doesn't even cross my mind.

I haven't talked to H in two months, apart from a text from him on my birthday. The lack of contact doesn't phase me. I don't care. I see my marriage in its true colours, both the good and the ill. I no longer make excuses for his choices. Yes, he was/is in pain (legitimately so), but he is an adult and I was his wife. His behavior was inexcusable, but it was also forgivable. These are not the same things.

Today I feel more like I felt when I first met H, and less like the person I'd become in the context of my marriage. My work situation gets me down sometimes, but I can truly say I'm happy.

What breaks my heart the most here is seeing good people allowing themselves to be treated poorly, all the while making excuses for their H/Ws and thinking that somehow smiling through the emotional punches is a good thing. I'm not sure DBing is about subjugating your needs to your WAS/MLCs. There comes a point when it seems, for some, they'll never see things for what they are, in so far as the things they write are a fair reflection of reality.

I felt my pain, licked my wounds and then got on with it because I didn't have a choice. So in your words, DLS, I am actually enjoying my life and I know that everything is going to be OK no matter what H does.