In crisis -BIG MESS-help

[LITB]

I vist my son at daycare every wk and taking a stance on my situation and making my son as priority, looking into legal options and realizing if I should spend any time salvaging and trying to save M when she as W/ mother has no interest to work it. Don't know what else to fix, it's all broken and I am just trying to not damage any more especially son and both of us.

Your question and your answer in the same paragraph.

The reason to try to salvage your M, your son. He deserves your effort. At least that's the way that I look at it.

[Brahmin]

EI,

You can only own and fix your part.

I'll be perfectly honest with you, it does concern me that you aren't at least entertaining the idea of seeking help. For arguments sake, what if your W

agreed to work things out. What do you plan on doing to ensure or at least attempt to not fall in to old toxic patterns?

[quote]What do you mean seeking for help, like IC, what else, she need to show signs of working things, the signs I got is, papers to plan D. I know that is not end all, but tell me, how do I see anything bright except my son and for his sake..

Even if you have fixed everything, what are you striving to improve? We all have areas that need improvement. It is a never ending processs

have identified some area that I am working, first to come out of this shock and then think through what else my options are... My goal with a time frame,

[LITB]

What do you mean seeking for help, like IC, what else, she need to show signs of working things, the signs I got is, papers to plan D. I know that is not end all, but tell me, how do I see anything bright except my son and for his sake.

Yes, I mean something like IC. I find it hard to believe that dealing with 2 years of abuse can be addressed by simply reading self help books and being a member of this community.

This should not be dependent on what your W is doing on her end. Take the lead. Be the captain of your ship. Personally, I think that you would want to ensure that you get yourself to a healthy place for yourself, your son and any future relationship. Whether it is with your W or someone new.

You are being reactive to what your W does. Instead, be proactive in spite of what she does. I’m being redundant for a purpose.

Perhaps someone who has had a similar experience as you can chime in.

[Brahmin]

What do you mean seeking for help, like IC, what else, she need to show signs of working things, the signs I got is, papers to plan D. I know that is not end all, but tell me, how do I see anything bright except my son and for his sake.

Yes, I mean something like IC. I find it hard to believe that dealing with 2 years of abuse can be addressed by simply reading self help books and being a member of this community.

Well we had busy jobs and we had newborn, job lose, me unemployed for 8 mths, and her unemploy before that, well it's only when we get into arguments and it goes out of spin we have these spells. I tried talking through close friends and family, which see started secluding, like my sister and bil,she got defensive and thought they were ganging up.

This should not be dependent on what your W is doing on her end. Take the lead. Be the captain of your ship. Personally, I think that you would want to ensure that you get yourself to a healthy place for yourself, your son and any future relationship. Whether it is with your W or someone new.
You are being reactive to what your W does. Instead, be proactive in spite of what she does. I’m being redundant for a purpose.

I am finding answers though GAL, family and through talking and relating to similar people. I am also keeping my plan concrete to not get side tracked

.

Perhaps someone who has had a similar experience as you can chime in.

[Brahmin]

Meeting my family for TG

[heartbroken5]

I have began to read your post and had to reply to his one. My situation is the same but the opposite. I had the PA in my R. It would come from both sides. The thing that lead to the D was on my hand. He decided he had enough and walked away. It hurts because all of the time I hung in there with him, but the few times that and last time it was on my hand he leaves. Doesn't want to work. I kid you not, everything that I have read so far is in line with my H. He is doing the same things as your W and my feelings are the EXACT same as yours. The waves, the hurt, the moving forward but waves of feeling unsure and lost. I'm in a lost "moment" now. It hurts so much.

[Brahmin]

I have began to read your post and had to reply to his one. My situation is the same but the opposite. I had the PA in my R. It would come from both sides.

What do u mean

The thing that lead to the D was on my hand. He decided he had enough and walked away. It hurts because all of the time I hung in there with him, but the few times that and last time it was on my hand he leaves. Doesn't want to work.

Do u talk to him, how do u know

I kid you not, everything that I have read so far is in line with my H. He is doing the same things as your W and my feelings are the EXACT same as yours.

Explain it in detail, it good to relate to some one

The waves, the hurt, the moving forward but waves of feeling unsure and lost. I'm in a lost "moment" now. It hurts so much.

[Brahmin]

I have began to read your post and had to reply to his one. My situation is the same but the opposite. I had the PA in my R. It would come from both sides.

What do u mean

The thing that lead to the D was on my hand. He decided he had enough and walked away. It hurts because all of the time I hung in there with him, but the few times that and last time it was on my hand he leaves. Doesn't want to work.

Do u talk to him, how do u know

I kid you not, everything that I have read so far is in line with my H. He is doing the same things as your W and my feelings are the EXACT same as yours.

Explain it in detail, it good to relate to some one

The waves, the hurt, the moving forward but waves of feeling unsure and lost. I'm in a lost "moment" now. It hurts so much. N

[Brahmin]

Recently been to Christmas party at sons daycare , seen W for the first time, was there with 2 common friends, one is also our babysitter, kept my cool, was close to W just in the back seat, was in a awkward situation, saw my son before the play he was in, W just walks away caring my son telling him to be with mom, when he wanted to see me and wanted to hold me. Spoke to common friends, said my priority is my son now and they could reach me anytime, told our baby sitter to call me or text me if she needed help. I also gave 2 baby book to give it to my son which I bought . WeI have a court date, will seperate as Bruce was instructed: the D issue and my fathering. Was also planning to talk to her mom and ask for forgiveness, not sure as per my folks if thasta good idea, they could use it as evidence, use it against me ....

[Big Bruce]

East Indian,
I will tell you this, the two first months are the worse.
I couldn't concentrate enough to make a cake without day dreaming or feeling oppressed. Couldn't go to the opera, or play piano, or paint, my mind would wander all the time. Couldn't believe it was happening to me. ME!

As for the lawyers thing, you're right, separate it. I never mentionned it to my W, she didn't talk about it either. You are a father, concentrate on that. Be interested in your child.

And come to this site if you feel bad. There are very, very sharp people with great advice.