wow- this is strong you. i wish i had the conviction and feeling to say that5 out loud too. i'm still"wondering" - but find myself thinking intellectually i am feeling the same thing- my brain says i do not want to live like this- always having to not trust- be suspicisous (and care!!!) what he is doing.
if he is out of my life- then all i have to do is get used to being lonely or poor- that doesn't seem too awful in comparison to having to always feel hurt by the other guy's rejection and constant crappola (of every sort).
