Heavy Lifting Solo

[Denver_2010]

Thanks Denver. I have read your sitch and appreciate your input here. Unfortunately, I think you are right.

OM was an EA, but honestly, I just think it makes it worse in this case because she still believes she did (and does) nothing wrong.

I can definitely see where W's connection to OM is preventing her from committing to our M, or even forgiving me. She's quick to say how different I am and how we'd have no problems if I'd have been like this 5 years ago....but she's also quick to point out any number of negatives from before that and the fact that she doesn't want to work on it.

Why actually choose to do something that is hard and scary when she didn't have to choose anything?

This. No work on the M, no running from it...just "happy limbo."

You, like me, have gone a long time in Plan A... the question is at what point do you move to Plan B.

Yep, that is really the question I struggle with. Every time I call a DB coach, that is in essence what we discuss. I guess on one hand, W has made it a bit easier for me to make that decision since we have a court date in Jan. W has actually put herself in a position where she has to make a decision, for good or bad.

And the reality of it is that I believe she will go thru with it and it won't be until months later that she'll figure it all out. My biggest fear is that I won't be waiting for her.

If I were in your shoes, I would be tempted to proactively go into Plan B as opposed to being put in a position of it happening it to you. The reason is that it shows your W that she is not the one controlling the situation. That you have free will and are not bound by her decisions. It shows her that her actions are NOW causing things to happen TO her, ie, she is losing her M because of her actions. She is now losing you... not getting rid of you.

I think that there is a subconscious mental difference there.