3 Years after D-Day, part 2. Separated 9 Months.

[Am I Too Late]

I have to say that I am proud of Ed for standing this long. Wedding vows say "til death do us part."

Thank you Grateful.

That's what i thought when she and i got married too, but doesn't everyone in the beginning?

Thanks for posting on my thread. Which one is yours? You post on a wide variety here. I would like to get to know your sitch.

Leo, thanks. I know i have turned into a doormat in the past 3 years and that stops.

But, when it comes to visitation, our son needs to have her on his life. I did not allow the overnight visit due to my concerns the 1 time she requested it, due to how inconsistent she was and still is.

I may check out Dobsons book, but it differs from DBing i have read. I still want to follow the DB techniques.

Ed

[leopoldstotch]

It does differ somewhat but it deals a lot with your sitch.

[Am I Too Late]

Okay, that makes sense then.

I didn't want to cloud my thinking and actions with opposing strategies, like i have done in the past.

Thanks for that updated reason.

Ed

[Grateful]

I have to say that I am proud of Ed for standing this long. Wedding vows say "til death do us part."

Thank you Grateful.

That's what i thought when she and i got married too, but doesn't everyone in the beginning?

Thanks for posting on my thread. Which one is yours? You post on a wide variety here. I would like to get to know your sitch.

My sitch: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2285699#Post2285699

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2301119&page=1

[Am I Too Late]

Thanks Grateful.

I caught up and read both threads now.

I see so much of myself in your anxiety and fear about our W's whom we have no control over. But, with proper goals and GAL activities, we may be able to influence their choices only in the long term.

It's a marathon, not a sprint.

You start out with small continuous steps to reach the summit.

Yes, i can recite the words, but they still need to be put more into action for progress on ourselves first and then, and only then, maybe progress on our M and R.

Ed

[Grateful]

Thank you for reading my sitch. The GAL is the hardest part for me as well. It is amazing how much time I want to spend with W and family, but not by myself. I don't know why either. My W hasn't hugged me, kissed me or even held my hand since August. I almost wished she hated me, as that would mean she has some emotion toward me. It is all business with her right now.

[Am I Too Late]

S

Thank you for reading my sitch. The GAL is the hardest part for me as well. It is amazing how much time I want to spend with W and family, but not by myself. I don't know why either. My W hasn't hugged me, kissed me or even held my hand since August. I almost wished she hated me, as that would mean she has some emotion toward me. It is all business with her right now.

I don't even know how to read my W anymore. She pretty much knows that i don't jump to reply now and might be getting more resentments against me, but i am just trying to detach. But, i don't want to be seeming rude either.

Even before my W left in February, she still gave me a kiss goodbye every morning, not passionate, but not just a chicken peck either.

One week before she moved out, i was at a friends house and she stopped by to see our S before going to visit her dad who was dying of cancer and she sat next to me and leaned her head on my shoulder and stayed there for 2-3 minutes. That's the most warmth she showed me on her own initiative for a real long time.

She was just here to pick up our S for the afternoon and picked up a few other odds and ends of hers.

Me and my S were having fun playing Frisbee on the front sidewalk when she pulled up, which was good for her to see us enjoying ourselves and laughing.

I didn't follow her around the house when she was looking for her things and i didn't have hardly any anxiety with her here. I did help carry out a small bag and a knick-knack shelf.

Her car kept stalling out when she left. She just texted me that they got home safe. It didn't affect me as much as the 1st time she called her apartment Home, but it still does bother me, not like a dagger to the heart hurt though.

So, i guess i am just journaling my thoughts today.

My S gave me two very big hugs before he left, one in the house and one when he was in the car. That made me feel good.

When i told him she was going to pick him up this morning, he was glad that he could be with her for longer than the 5 minutes he has after karate classes, but he was more excited about seeing her pet snake and possibly holding it.

I posted photos on my facebook page this past Saturdays fun going out to see my brothers band play, but i don't know if she saw it since she blocked me from hers 2 weeks after she moved out.

Later today, I will finish some minor revisions on an estimate i have done and send it off to the building owner. I will meet her and my S at this evenings karate class to pick him back up.

My car is still not running, even after i had the valve cover gaskets replaced and had the fuel pump replaced. It's become a money pit now.

Tomorrow is T-Giving dinner at my sister and brother-in-laws home.

Ed

[Am I Too Late]

Thanksgiving day itself was not too bad. Me and my S enjoyed going to my sister and brother-in-laws home. I shot some pool with my S. Dinner was great. For the most part, i didn't dwell on the fact my W was not with us and i feel Thanksgiving is the ultimate Family Holiday.

Then, we stayed overnight and left this morning.

That's when i did too much thinking and talked to a couple of people for support. That worked.

Today i have my S over at a friends house to play. I'm visiting a friend of mine for a while till it's time to get my S.

It still hurts though, but at least it's not overwhelming and bringing me to tears any more. So, I'm not struggling as much as i used to, which is significant considering the holiday just done. I wish i was farther along, but at least it's progress.

My family says she isn't worth thinking about, but they didn't have the feelings of deep love for her that i felt was mutual.

Ed

[Am I Too Late]

I had my S and his friend for a couple of hours yesterday afternoon and i reached out to a couple of AA friends who are struggling with ongoing relapses. That is tough, because i wonder if my W is Ever doubting her current drinking pattern of hanging out till closing time every weekend and seemingly having so much fun, but does she ever regret the time away from out S.

Last night i went to a good open speaker AA/Alanon meeting and picked up a schedule for Alanon to work on my codependency issues.

Then, out to dinner with a large group and chatted quite a bit with a former female mutual friend of my W and I. Her ex husband is one of the relapsers i deal with alot. There also was another enjoyable woman who was her friend that jooned in the conversations. It was just nice yo be out socializing and having fun talking.

The past BF of my W says she almost ran into my W at Zombie Fest last month, but intentionally avoided her because she has lost all respect for her on how she abandoned her S and left a marriage that seemed to have everything a woman could ask for. Too bad the one person i want to feel that way doesn't though.

I'll be heading to Church and the library later today as is my usual Sunday routine.

I have a sales appointment scheduled for later this week and will be receiving a long overdue commission check any day now, from a job i sold on August.

Ed

[Am I Too Late]

Yesterday was the 4 year anniversary of my W's mother going into the hospital and then being placed in a coma before she eventually passed away 2 1/2 months later.

My W has a hard time with those eventful dates that turned her life upside down.

Should i acknowledge that with a message to her to offer empathy?

Or, would i just be a reminder that dark period?

That is the preceding event that led to her alcohol relapse and subsequent affairs.

Ed