New to the forum, WAH 10/3/12

[notsurewhat2do]

But since DD has yet to spend the night with H, is OW living there. Do I have a right to ask? Should I drive by just to see if her car is there? Do I have a right to check the place out if DD is going to be spending time there?

No. If your D was 5 then maybe, but for crying out loud, a 15 y.o. is going to give your H an absolute EARFUL if he does anything to anger her. One of my D's just turned 16 and if yours is anything like mine then she is more than capable of handling herself in that situation. Just step out of it. You've told H your expectations, but you can't force him to abide by them. D15 can though. If he screws up once he's going to have a heck of a time getting her to visit again.

You are so right. She is so different from me and I forget that. But as I told someone else, she is afraid of hurting us both. She has handled this like a champ and I'm afraid holding out hope we will get back together. (but don't most kids?) I haven't told her no or yes, because honestly I just don't know. I fear she'll have her heart broken if and when we do divorce. Unfortunely though, because of society, she has lots of friends from divorced families. That helps her. She sees them as happy, adjusted, normal kids.

She has said she wants to talk to Dad about it but wasn't sure how. I told her she had the right to talk to him about anything she wants too. So, yes, you are right. She knows it's wrong for him to have a "girlfriend" and I'm sure will approach it when she feels the time is right. And if he doesn't watch his p's & q's ... she will call him on it.

I'm still wondering why he thinks quick 15 min visits and calls are okay "parenting". I guess that's why I'm wondering if OW is living with him, because to my knowledge hasn't suggested her staying the night with him yet, which is unfair to me technically, because I want a night out every once in a while too!! Why does he get to be responsbility free all the time?