fog for three years, right? You've stuck it out a long time waiting for him to change, but he may never again be the person you married. So you may be at a crossroad where you have to ask yourself if you want to continue trying to make it work with this "new" person or do you need to take another path
Yes, it's been at least 3yrs. The changes he has made are all against God, himself, and his view of life with me and the kids. He has turned to money as his platform for why life stinks, why he can't move forward, and why he's stuck not being the perfect provider.
I am envisioning myself taking a new path and inch my way everyday, sometimes minute by minute, toward something new. I open my eyes to the idea of a new love, filled with respect, and faithfulness, as well as faith.
I have learned to push H into the back of my mind in order to not spend my days thinking about him, and going over every word he has said trying to analyze crazy spew. I figure it's avoidance doing it that way, but if I am able to keep him in the back of my mind long enough it will just become habit.
One can only pray that we give ourselves the love and patients we are soo willing to give them. Why is that so hard?
My biggest set back is when he's home, not spewing, not angry, but helplessly defeated, counting on my intelligence and strength. That's the real H of today when the mask of MLC comes off.
Today is the day of cleaning, food anticipation, and when we reflect on what were thankful for before prayers tom. I can say this much, I'm thankful knowing that if I don't fair well tom. I can come to this site and breath.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
