My take is you let him control conversations and the power in your relationship. Something I have really struggled with is my H not stepping up for the kids. However, I finally just decided oh well. His loss. I have to do this, I'm gonna do this, and if he doesn't make the effort then that's okay.
I basically told him what I expected and then I left it alone. If he is telling you about his OW and their R you should say if it is not the kids then I do not want to discuss it. Say it calmly, and civilly. Tell him what you will do if he insists. Then follow through. It's really like parenting a child. Lord knows if you have 6 you can do this!!
If my H was rude or nasty I just stopped contact. That could be hanging up or walking away. Now, at least I don't have the passive aggressive antagonistic behavior to deal with. He actually does follow the guidelines that I have set. They are not overly harsh or restrictive. Just respect me. Since he hadn't for so very long it was very hard at first.
As far as money you filed for support I believe? Also, while unfortunate, the reality is you may have to get a job. If you have older kids can they help with the younger ones? This is about survival and you have to do what you have to do.
