Special days and holidays are going to suck. I am expecting myself to pull back and ready myself to control my emotions. I was just thinking this morning that, this might be her last birthday I spend with her (17 birthday's), then i think about the rest of the holidays and special days, how it might be the last (well last as in together, i know with kids it wont' be the "Last")
I guess what I am saying is, since this will technically be "Last" time, i may as well make it memorable....
So for her Birthday i did the following 1. Got her a bunch of stuff for her new apartment (done) 2. Sent 34 Ballons to her work place!!!! (done) 3. Took her on a great date (done) 4. Made a scrapbook of an important event she just did recently (i think it was awesome) (done)
With no expectations of her even saying "thanks" and for every comment i get about "Gee i wish my H was like this", I already gotten a few.....It makes me smile that somebody is going to appreciate me in the future.
I love taking the negative situations and making it positive for myself but at the same time show my changes and bring out the old loving me (single me, who would of done alot of these things anyway).
Today is one of those unexpected events, where no matter how much DB or 180 or detached you felt...it just takes one trigger to bring back these horrible emotions of being sad.
Today I saw a picture on here phone when her other man called. It was them hugging and she looked so happy.....
I went downstairs and just broken down....maybe 6 months timeline is too long....
I miss that happy look, when she was with me
A set back for me...it hurts bad to see a picture. God give me strength if i see them hold and hugging in person...
ls13, Special events and holidays ARE going to be hard and DIFFERENT. I don't think ANYONE on here is looking forward to them (except maybe AS) in the same way this year.
ANd, the pict on the phone that had to have really hurt! I'm so sorry.
BUt, if I could guess I'd say you'll pick yourself up tomorrow (if you haven't already) & you'll be in a better place (again).
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
thanks TG, as usually, i picked myself up. Found some renewed strength.
Some good news..well maybe but I guess I will take it. My W emails this morning, thanking me for the last 2 weeks of patience and providing support. She says, she hasn't been this happy in a very long time.
Key things she mentioned was 1. She woke up in the morning and contemplated if she should move out. I re-enforced her saying, she should only come back home when she is ready. I don't want anymore "what ifs" 2. She seems to be opening up her feelings. Today she mentioned how she can now trust me with the kids, in the past she would be worried about me taking care all 3 of them when she went out. Says it feels good to know she can go out and she can not worry about the 3 kids.
As always, I continue to DB, GAL and do 180's for myself but I have a beginner's mindset about my W. She is a new person and I am giving her space, time, and support she needs.
So in 6 months..who knows what happens with our R, but I do know one thing..in 6 months, I am going to be a great man and great dad.
So I was suppose to go visit my Mom for Thanksgiving alone (because well I wanted too). I told my W and she suprise me by saying she would like to go with the kids. I could of been stubborn but I figure why not but i typically don't bring new girls to visit my family that early...haha
So she is coming along, at first i was like, i wonder if she felt weird with my family (my mom knows) but then i said "who cares, she asked to go" but i think the thinksgiving will turn out well.
At this point, I am still on the path of being nice, respectful and giving her space/time she needs. Most of all, I am showing my DB, GAL and 180 are all in full effect. I know everytime I am happy with my life, 3 kids, dates, and family events, I am introducing a world where she can join again.
I don't know if she will truly re-join and develop a new R but I do know this, I am having fun, less stress, more sleep
Thanks FY. I like my path, but I couldn't do it without all you folks helping and sharing your stories.
My W is showing signs but unfortunately I know the OM has to be out of the picture. Till then, i am making myself look and feel great....and being a great dad.
Things have been okay. Had a minor set back, when I asked W to not talk to OM during times we are with the kids. I felt disrespected.
Now only 3 more days when she signs the lease for her new apartment. I feel okay but I am preparing myself to feel like crap that day. Hard to believe after 15 years...its come to this.
Funny thing is, things are really not that bad between us. We talk, laugh, play games, flirt a little...i still make her baths ever night.
But i understand she needs to do this to find her own answers in life...
Starting in 3 days, my clock starts..6 months for a positive sign, if not going dark and letting go the last piece of my heart that is holding on.
I love my W and hope some light will show her the way to happiness (with or without me).
It is amazing to me that your W is involved w OW and you are still a friend to her. I'm not sure I will be able to do this (as I'm sure I will need to decide this soon).
I can't stand the idea of my H w OW let alone wish him happiness w her--your level of detachment is impressive.
I do like the idea of a definitive time line. I'm sure it gives you a goal. I think I need one too--6 more months is about all I can withstand(as it has already been 5mos since BD & probably 10 months since my H shown complete detachment from me).
How do you think your R w your W will look when you "go dark?"
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
For me, I believe we are all capable of mistakes and even though I don't like the idea of my W with the OM but I do understand it was a part of me who helped drive her to this direction. I understand she made the decision but let's face it, if I did DB earlier, I might not have been in the situation.
I also am aware, she and I got married young, had kids young. During the time I met her, she was with a BF (who is the OM). He went to jail for a stupid crime. So she never had closure on that R.
Ever see that movie called "Hall Pass", its exactly what I am giving her. I also love her and the greatest gift I can give is forgiveness and happiness. It hurts me to let her go but I can get over it.
When I met her, I was there for all her tough times and I promised to always support her. She isn't a bad person, just lost. Trying to help her find her way either with or without me. Her journey isn't just about the OM, its about doing things she missed being single.
When I go dark, I have no expectations. I will go dark because it means she found happiness and I need to move on.
