I suspect the problem is that I don't want to change my perspective. I don't want to be the W that looks the other way while her H is having an affair, though I'm sure there are many that do. I don't want to like parking lots instead of flowers. I've walked a long, hard road to get where I am, and I've whittled my concept of M down to the bare minimum of basic human courtesy and respect. I honestly don't care to change that. Not even for my M. I really do appreciate the time you've spent discussing it with me though.
Yes, CV that is a lot of it. You don't want to change your perspective. You. Want *something* else to magically work for you. (I know you don't see it that way; to an outsider that's how it comes across). As I pointed out before, you did change your perspective already. You will again at some point. Whether you do willingly and with forethought, or you do so due to other factors, you cannot keep the same perspective the rest of your life. Nobody does.
For the record, you are not looking the other way; your H is not having an affair; he is not living up to your ideal of what marriage *should* be. You are figuring out how to have a mature view of relationships and what that means to you. I can see that and recognize its importance. I don't think you've whittled your concept of M down as much as you think though; I think you'd like to think you did There are plenty of implied expectations that are in those thoughts. They come across in your posts.
I don't think you've really seen the long hard road yet - difficultly is a perspective
I do wish you the best of luck in your journeys. I wish your H the best as well.
Happy Thanksgiving.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
There are plenty of implied expectations that are in those thoughts. They come across in your posts. 
