So, anyway here I am more than a year separated from my W and family. I am tired. I have seen a new side of life that I didn't realize I was missing. I don't want to be played the fool and allow my W to continue her cake eating ways. She is self described "severely depressed." I want my kids to live in a clean and healthy home.
So why no R conversation? I'd at least know once and for all what direction to take my life.
You've been separated for a year and if I understand correctly, you are ready to move on with or without W. If that's the case, then you have been successful in your DB'ing because that is the ultimate goal- to work on yourself and bring yourself to a point where you know you can be happy regardless of what happens with the M. If the status quo is unacceptable to you then you need to do what is right for YOU. And if that means giving her an ultimatum, or telling her you're moving on without her, then by all means do it. This could very well bring an end to the M, so just do a little reflecting first and make sure you're OK with that.
I'm impressed you've stood as long as you have. If your M ends now, I would say you gave it a good, honest effort and deserve to be respected for it.
