I hear what you're saying and I agree. I was stressed and allowed myself to get lost in the fantasy of "things just going back to what they were."
Not sure how to set boundaries. I will need to back-track some. I did invite him to come over Thanksgiving evening. Re-thinking this now. He is supposed to take the car to get fixed on Friday--that I'm ok with.
When I set the boundaries, I want him to understand three things. It's important to me that I stand up for myself on these points.
1. I WILL Not accept responsibility for his sleeping with someone else. I have told him to do ALOT of things over the last nine months--He chose to listen to me in my depths of despair and it's horrible, cruel even to lay that blame on me.
2. I do NOT accept he is friends with someone he has had/having sex with. At least, that's not my definition of friendship--especially when you are married to someone else.
3. I wouldn't think of inviting someone into my life or the kids' lives--at this point--after all we've been through--if I wasn't 100 percent sure I could trust this person was able to take responsibility for his actions and that this person was trustworthy.
OK. I feel better. Feels good to even just write this stuff here.
Thanks Snodderly--and everyone else. I needed some clarity and I think I just got it.
I'm grateful to everyone here for helping me through this!! NOT sure what I would have done if I hadn't found this board.
Happy Thanksgiving to ALL.
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
