Heather, Are you sure your h isn't a twin to rH's h? Your h has the best of both worlds and comes to you for an "emotional fix" and then is very vague in what he's doing. You can be a friend, but friends don't treat friends the way your h has been doing.
As for him being vague, mlcers are like that because they don't want us to know what they are doing and w/whom. Set your boundaries and don't fall into the rabbit hole w/him. He senses that you are getting stronger and are living your life and he's trying to pull you back into his rabbit hole. Don't go there.
You tried to fix/help him by offering him a place to sleep. It was a nice gesture, but if he's on a whirlwind of wanting to separate and live his life separately from yours, why would you do that? Were you hoping that he would soften enough to discuss the situation and hopefully agree to work w/you on the marriage? Unfortuantely, it does't work that way in the land of MLC. He saw your nice gesture as pursuit and he backed way off. What I'm seeing here is the pursuer/distancer game being played out. You have a choice here...either continuing pursuing and chase him completely away or sit quietly and allow him to come to you.
Heather, you have been doing so much better in not over analyzing your situation. I can see where the contact in the last week has had you in a thinking tailspin. Generally, when mlcers are being nice, they either have done something wrong or they want something from us. The trip is all about them and what they can get out of it. If he thinks that he can have the best of both worlds, i.e., cake eating, he'll try it until you set boundaries.
Take the time off for the holiday and relax. Your family is right about one thing...don't all him to pull you back into the rabbit hole. What he's doing is ensuring that he keeps one toe in your pond and the other in the mlc pond. As for the ow, I personally, think she's still in the picture and that is one of the reasons he's being vague w/you. The "friends" comment is used by all of them and it doesn't usually mean the same thing to them as it does to us. The ow may be a booty call only (as friends).
I do hope that you have a nice Thanksgiving. Enjoy the time w/your family and try to leave the mlc monster at the door.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
