Bklyn Gratitude

[keep_going]

BK,

I know exactly how torn you feel about this. It's hard when the kids finally start asking questions...

These are the ones I have used so far - not saying this is right or wrong, just what I feel ok doing:

"Mommy, do u miss daddy?"
my answer: I know you miss him very much and that you are sad when he is not around. I miss him too, but I am happy to be with you right now!

"Mommy, my friend XX says that mommies and daddies live together and sleep in one bed. I told her that is not true."
my answer: Most mommies and daddies live together, but there are different kinds of families like ours, where mommies and daddies don't live together. But that doesn't mean that we don't love you any less. Daddy and I love you with all our heart and that will never change no matter what.

"Mommy, why can't we all be together?"
my answer: I know you miss daddy a lot when he is not with you and that you miss me a lot when I am not around. Sometimes daddies and mommies cannot be together, like us. But that is not your fault in any way. On the contrary, we both love you very much and will always do so no matter what. You have done nothing wrong.

I don't use the word divorce (they wouldn't even understand it since they don't even remember us living together anyways).

I also don't send them to ask their dad, because who knows what he will tell them - he is not interested in having a joint approach in how to talk to them. The only thing I know is that he said once to our D4 that we "used to be married." Who knows in what context he put it. I am wondering how he will now explain OW to them since he will introduce her as "daddy's girlfriend" this coming weekend when she will stay with him and the kids.


I also prefer to have them hear the answers directly from me when they ask me so they know I am not avoiding or ignoring their feelings or concerns.

Finally, I don't say anything about H's feelings for me - if he wants me there or not, etc. That is up to him to verbalize to them. My only goal here has been to re-assure them of how much they are loved and that none of this is their fault.

I am sure as they get older, my answers will have to change. Hang in there - you are so strong and have been handling yourself beautifully so far. Stay focused - you can do this!

(((((BK))))