Well.. it's been almost 3 months since I have last posted on here.
I debated on if I wanted to start another thread. 3 months into the divorce - I've had 99% no contact. One email discussion with my xw and that was in regards to an insurance misunderstanding. Everything is final and we have no children… so my heart is prepped that we will never speak again….
… so because of the route she chose to cut me out of her life long ago, I have spent the past two years dealing with emotional issues that would probably be later in the process for other folks. The no contact, no emotional or financial support of any kind. The process of truly morning the death of a relationship
And after two years… I am seeing light at the end of my tunnel. I do not think the hurt of her betrayal will ever go away, but I'm accepting I can't change her..
Acceptance means that the hurt is less, the roller coasters are small and short-lived… and I can start working on truly forgiving. As much I have wanted to, I don't know how much I was able to achieve forgiveness with the heartache. I worked as hard as I could to let go - but the heart is stubborn.. and I've decided that as long as I'm actively working towards it - I have to be patient with the pace my heart can go.
God knows what my heart desires.. and I have faith he will help me get there.
So back to why I DID decide to post - well the truth is.. in some ways I am living parts of my life for the 1st time and I think I am not alone there with this discovery.
I met my xw at 19, thus there are things that I never really did much.. like… dating… or developing deep friendships outside of the marriage.
So a huge part of surviving the divorce - is me just experiencing things for the first time or doing things that I should have done in my 20s. Unfortunately both the good and the bad.. lol.
…. And as I continue to recognize/combat my co-dependent or victim thinking ways - new opportunities/situations present themselves that I have never seen and feel ill equipped to handle…
.. so I don't know.. maybe my story is not your standard "surviving the D" story.. but this is where I am in my D and I guess I'm just looking for a place to journal and maybe get thoughts from others who have been there.
Oh.. and I'm still sticking with the Grace theme.. caz it works for me.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
